Dallas' best team?

[PonyFan]

With the recent release of Tony "He's Our Starting QB" Banks, Jerry Jones has continued to show his stellar ability to take the Cowboys and bury them nose-first into the ground. That team is going down faster than the trade value of the Texas Rangers' pitching staff. But before we spend every waking moment mocking Jerry (although can you blame us? It's soooooo easy to do), let's be honest to to admit that our Mustangs haven't gone undefeated in recent years, either. So, that automatically brings about a comparison between the two teams:

MANAGEMENT (Jim Copeland vs. Jerry Jones): Copeland had the foresight to envision what a new stadium could mean at SMU, and had the charisma to sell alumni on the idea enough to solicit donations that covered the cost of construction without raising tuition (more than the standard cost increase that goes along with inflation, etc.) and without dipping into the university's budget. He also made sure that some coaches (Schellas Hyndman, for one) weren't plucked away by schools with bigger athletic budgets. Jones, on the other hand, ran off Jimmy Johnson and replaced him with a mini-car load of clowns that included Barry Switzer, Chan Gailey and Dave Campo -- apparently George Dubbya Quayle already had a job in the White House, because he would have been a great candidate for the role of Jerry's Yes Man. He also pledged to keep the Cowboys' defense among the best in the NFL when he hand-picked Shante Carver and Kavika Pittman to be the Harvey Martin and Too Tall Jones of the 1990s. Brilliant. And of course, he predicted his underlings will win 10 games this year. Right -- and Kavika Pittman will lead the NFL in sacks.
Advantage: SMU

COACHING (Mike Cavan vs. Dave Campo): Cavan annually preaches fundamentals and hard work for the Ponies, and has turned that philosophy into a glistening 18-27 record at SMU. He does get credit for winning at lower-level schools Valdosta State and East Tennessee State, as well as for recruiting Herschel Walker to Georgia. But the declining win totals each year he's been here are discouraging. Campo, who was the secondary coach under Jimmy, turned out to be a fairly solid defensive coordinator before being elevated to the title of "Jerry's Caddy." His performance at the MENSA meeting that was the training-camp-opening press conference deserved a prime time slot on the main stage at the Comedy Store. ("We've got the weapons to be a very competitive football team this year," or some such Jerry-speak...)
Advantage: Push

QUARTERBACKS (Kelen Luker vs. Quincy Carter): This one is too hard to call, since Luker has very little experience at the college level, and Carter has none at the pro level. Luker's arm is better -- stronger, more accurate and a quicker release. Carter has better wheels, and showed at Georgia that he can improvise. But at least Luker has been with his team for the past two years, playing a little in 1999 and serving as the link in 2000 between the assistant coaches in the press box and the players and coaches on the field.
Advantage: SMU

OFFENSIVE LINE: James McCarthy, Thornton Chandler, Joey Slaten and the rest of the Herd (you're welcome, BUS) are busting their tails to improve, and I think most PonyFans agree that they will. But with all the respect to the Herd, there's no Larry Allen, Mark Stepnoski, Flozell Adams or Solomon Page with any eligibility left on the Hilltop.
Advantage: Cowboys

RECEIVERS: Joey Galloway is a star, but a star who played less than a game last year. Rocket Ismail is a better-than-average wideout, but he also is coming off a knee injury. With James McKinght gone to Miami, those are the only two receivers on the Dallas roster who can catch -- a cold, a bus .... anything. SMU boasts Chris Cunningham feeling a sense of re-birth now that he's returned to the outside. Cody Cardwell is showing a sense of enthusiasm that was absent last year, and that -- coupled with his newly chiseled frame and re-acquaintance with Luker, his old high school quarterback -- could mean a huge year for Cardwell. Billy Ford established himself as a reliable receiver with great size and better speed than most expected. Johnnie Freeman is so fast he's capable of breaking out his new dance steps in the end zone any time he touches the ball. And then there is the cast of freshman receivers who already are turning heads. Word is that Jay Taylor, in particular, should be a dominant game-breaker.
Advantage: SMU

TIGHT ENDS: There's no doubt that Michael Brown's loss hurts, but John Hampton is crucial to the Ponies' success. With Jackie Harris and David LaFleur out with injuries, name the next Dallas tight end. Can't do it, can you?
Advantage: SMU

RUNNING BACKS: Kris Briggs reportedly has bulked up to 230 and is in the best shape of his life -- and injury-free. Whether or not Emmitt Smith deserves to break Walter Payton's record (that's going to be a sad day), he has been a warrior who will cruise straight to Canton, Ohio.
Advantage: Cowboys

DEFENSIVE LINE: Kevin Aldridge is a stud at one defensive end spot, but with Markus Pratt's ineligibility, the Ponies are waiting for either Johnson Patman or Melvin Williams to claim the other spot. Greg Ellis and Ebenezer Ekuban are solid, if not spectacular, for the Cowboys. The difference, however, comes in the middle. Mike Myers and Brandon Noble couldn't back up Lute Croy and Warrie Birdwell, much less replace them. Croy and Birdwell are bigger and stronger, and tougher against the run. Our fellas don't always generate a huge pass rush up the middle, but Myers and Noble will get no closer to the opposing QB than the rest of us will get to being elected president or getting get-rich-quick advice from Mark Cuban.
Advantage: SMU

LINEBACKERS: No contest. Dat Nguyen is a sentimental favorite, and Dexter Coakley is fast, but the rest of them are useless. Vic Viloria is the best linebacker to play in Dallas since Chris Bordano, D.D. Lee looks so impressive he's going to kick Vic outside, and Jarrian James proved to be the steal of last year's recruiting class, a converted safety who can fly and makes play after lay after play. Plus, the Cowboys would kill to have SMU's depth -- D.D. Johnson, B.J. Williams, Corey Riley, Don Stansbury, etc. can all play.
Advantage: SMU

SECONDARY: Another area where we're comparing inexperience to inexperience. Kevin Garrett would be the best corner on the Dallas roster if he left school today. And Jonas Rutledge might not be far behind. The Dallas corners simply can not cover anyone. You could handcuff Mario Edwards and Kareem Larrimore to their receivers and they'd still give up 12 catches a game. The safeties don't match up with Darren Woodson and George Teague -- yet -- but Rico Harris, Ruben Moodley, and the rest of the gang have serious upside.
Advantage: SMU

SPECIAL TEAMS: SMU's return game is unsettled. Dallas returners aren't much better. But until the SMU freshmen prove themselves, the Dallas kickers get a "leg up."
Advantage: Cowboys

There you have it. It's as clear as Nick Bakay's "Tale of the Tape." Indisputable evidence. Jim Copeland could get a 100,000-seat stadium built before Jerry can con some suburb into coughing up a sports-based multi-plex.

Now if we could only get Jerry to take over the athletic department at tcu....

[PonyGirl]

That is GREAT!
Good stuff, PonyFan

[MustangMom]

Really enjoyed reading this. Very clever thread!

I think that SMU can have a great year! From what I read on Ponyfans the players seem pumped up (in more ways than one - the new strength coach sounds awesome!!). I hope they will let him give the pre-game talks and fire the Mustangs up for what could be a turn-around year!



------------------
Go Mustangs!!
-MustangMom

[PK]

A fun read PonyFan. At the rate the caboys are falling, it's not impossible that the Mustangs could once again be "Dallas's team" even if not "America's team". Of course we have to do our part and start having winning seasons...and a good bowl game every year.

MustangMom...we need a turn-around year in the worst way. Hope this IS the year for sure. Right now, I can't wait for the season to get started!!! Hope does indeed spring eternal.

[This message has been edited by PK (edited 08-15-2001).]

[Jim Rome]

Props to you, PonyFan. Funniest post yet on PonyFans.com.

Memo to PonyFan: Back away from the computer - you have too much free time.