PANIC!!!!!
Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2023 9:45 am[b][Panic!/b]
Oh no, we are playing a conference championship game. I can’t tell you how miserable the night has been contemplating all the reason we shouldn’t play this game.
1. Its raining. Well not right now but it will. Just like the rain game against Navy. We made 4th string Navy QB that the week before was sitting in the stands into a Heisman candidate. We melt like butter on hot French bread while eating Drago oysters. No chance.
2. Its New Orleans. Our kids have probably been out all night at Larry Flynt’s Hustler club or barfing like Ignatius Reilly. Neither are very healthy.
3. How will the Mustangs even make it to the stadium? Has anyone seen the roads in NOLA? There isn’t a bus in the state that has been ‘New Orleans Road Certified”. If we can’t get there, we might spare ourselves the misery. Maybe this isn’t so much a panic except it’s a no show which scares the Hades out of me.
4. 4. Lets face it, TU is 11-0 this season with their starting QB playing. Ours is 0-0. And on top of it all, its not like our starting QB is Lance McIlhenny going against the #2 Whores in Austin. No chance. Pack it up (if we can get there), back to Dallas and prepare for the Frisco Bowl.
5. We win, Lashlee is gone to higher places. Face it, SMU has produced more P5 head coaches in the last lustrum + 1 than Tulane. We breed P5 coaches and a win puts one more (Lashlee) into a P5 conference or maybe a P4 conference with the Pac 12 gone).
6. NOLA is crazy over TU football. Its gotten so contagious that the evening local sports casters have included a 15 sec blurp on TU football in between the usual ‘reasons Saints suck’ and ‘Daniels is a lock for the Heisman’ commentary’.
7. We never win in Dec. Well, maybe we haven’t played in Dec in two generations but its true!
8. The defense looks like its falling apart late in the year. Navy ripped us for an easy TD after we went up 52-7. Think what Tulane will do to us? TU’s passing game is averaging a full 6 yards an attempt. Expect long balls to be successful all game long. Still a chance we can make Pratt a Heisman candidate.
9. We didn’t sell many tickets so SMU fans will be sitting with the oh so lofty TU students. Believe me they will look down their Northeast New England nose at us knuckle draggers and make a trip to Pat O’s at halftime more desirable.
10. This isn’t the pre DP SMU Mustangs. Sure, both era players were paid but athletes are more hungry when its under the table and not in a contract. Nothing says ‘Great game’ like a wad of extra cash in a handshake at one’s locker after the game. Without that motivation, I just don’t see how our kids get up for the game.
Well, I am off to the usual pregame fetal position sucking my thumb and shivering in fear until game time.
We have no chance, all is lost. Once again we have earned our panic!
Oh no, we are playing a conference championship game. I can’t tell you how miserable the night has been contemplating all the reason we shouldn’t play this game.
1. Its raining. Well not right now but it will. Just like the rain game against Navy. We made 4th string Navy QB that the week before was sitting in the stands into a Heisman candidate. We melt like butter on hot French bread while eating Drago oysters. No chance.
2. Its New Orleans. Our kids have probably been out all night at Larry Flynt’s Hustler club or barfing like Ignatius Reilly. Neither are very healthy.
3. How will the Mustangs even make it to the stadium? Has anyone seen the roads in NOLA? There isn’t a bus in the state that has been ‘New Orleans Road Certified”. If we can’t get there, we might spare ourselves the misery. Maybe this isn’t so much a panic except it’s a no show which scares the Hades out of me.
4. 4. Lets face it, TU is 11-0 this season with their starting QB playing. Ours is 0-0. And on top of it all, its not like our starting QB is Lance McIlhenny going against the #2 Whores in Austin. No chance. Pack it up (if we can get there), back to Dallas and prepare for the Frisco Bowl.
5. We win, Lashlee is gone to higher places. Face it, SMU has produced more P5 head coaches in the last lustrum + 1 than Tulane. We breed P5 coaches and a win puts one more (Lashlee) into a P5 conference or maybe a P4 conference with the Pac 12 gone).
6. NOLA is crazy over TU football. Its gotten so contagious that the evening local sports casters have included a 15 sec blurp on TU football in between the usual ‘reasons Saints suck’ and ‘Daniels is a lock for the Heisman’ commentary’.
7. We never win in Dec. Well, maybe we haven’t played in Dec in two generations but its true!
8. The defense looks like its falling apart late in the year. Navy ripped us for an easy TD after we went up 52-7. Think what Tulane will do to us? TU’s passing game is averaging a full 6 yards an attempt. Expect long balls to be successful all game long. Still a chance we can make Pratt a Heisman candidate.
9. We didn’t sell many tickets so SMU fans will be sitting with the oh so lofty TU students. Believe me they will look down their Northeast New England nose at us knuckle draggers and make a trip to Pat O’s at halftime more desirable.
10. This isn’t the pre DP SMU Mustangs. Sure, both era players were paid but athletes are more hungry when its under the table and not in a contract. Nothing says ‘Great game’ like a wad of extra cash in a handshake at one’s locker after the game. Without that motivation, I just don’t see how our kids get up for the game.
Well, I am off to the usual pregame fetal position sucking my thumb and shivering in fear until game time.
We have no chance, all is lost. Once again we have earned our panic!
or at least the Miracle on Mockingbird 
