Burger wars, re-visited

[whatasteve]

Sorry PX - we tried Adairs, and it was jammed. We wouldn't have eaten for hours. We could always make a repeat appearance at Uptown at some point.

[PK]

PX, we really made a valiant effort to go to Adair's, but as Whatasteve said, it was just not a good night. Of coarse we just took Whatasteve's word for it that the place was jammed as we were late getting there and met Whatasteve outside. Maybe it was really because there was going to be live country music that convinced Whatasteve we should go somewhere else. I personally would have noooo problem whatsoever "re-evaluating" Uptown's whenever you're ready.

[This message has been edited by PK (edited 06-02-2002).]

[whatasteve]

I think (I hope) Whatachick will back me up about Adairs. The place was slammed. And you're right - the country band that was warming up had me a little scared, but I think we would have lived through the experience.

[Fresh]

Any discussion of great burgers is incomplete without hitting the Point (Midway Point, Northwest Point, Addison Point, etc.) restaurants.

[PK]

Good point. Actually we are taking into consideration other places suggested in this thread. It may take a little while, but we're working on it. I may gain 20 pounds before this is all over....

[whatasteve]

I think I already have. And there's at least another 20 in my future if we keep this up. But as we all know, the pursuit of a great burger is well worth the extra tonnage.

[whatasteve]

I think that since PX called us "swine" - simply because we kept our pursuit of the perfect burger and ventured over to Uptown without him last week - he should get stuck with the bill next time.

[whatasteve]

Please forgive the delay in reporting the new official standings, but since our venture this week to Cheesecake Factory, I (and imagine the rest of the Burger Crew) have been in a deep and peaceful food coma.

For the record, the official standings are as follows:

1. Uptown Bar & Grill
2. Jake's
3. Tipperary Inn
4. Two Rows
5. Campisi's
6. Cheesecake Factory
7. Snuffers

First of all, PK needs to recognize my absence of a vendetta, since I did slide the new Cheesecake Factory offering BELOW his beloved Campisi's burger.

The Crew made its way to Cheesecake Factory last week for what was reported to be one of the biggest burgers in town. That it is. But before we could even get to that behemoth, our man PX ordered up a round of mini-burgers (labeled as "bite-sized," they were closer in dimension to a thin hockey puck), just to see if our enzymes were ready for what awaited us. The mini-burgers were, as an appetizer, satisfactory -- and the sealing of our arteries began.

But then it was on to The Cardiologist's Delight (or what the CF menu refers to as the Tons of Fun burger.) This side of beef is designed to bring all exercise regimens to a screeching halt, to exhaust even the heartiest of appetites and to turn the most rabid carnivores into vegetarians. It looks like a Big Mac on steroids (to be fair: that's a variation of PX's description, which I'm sure will appear here shortly). Triple decker bun, lots of lettuce and tomatoes and onions and some sort of "special sauce" that is distinctive only its similarity to the orange slime McD's has smeared so successfully on its Big Mac for all these years. This is the exact same burger, at least in design. The patties are bigger and a little juicier than the cocktail-coaster patties they throw into the Big Mac, and the flavor is adequate. Certainly satisfying, but nothing that's ever going to leave anyone coming home from work and calling the spouse/significant other with a plea of "when are you getting home from work? I'm really craving one of those Cheesecake Factory burgers."

The best attribute of the Tons of Fun burger is the sheer size. Picture a sawed-off grain silo painted like a burger -- that's what this thing looks like when they wheel it over to the table. The thing is as tall as it is wide, if not taller. So if you're craving beef and you fancy yourself someone who can out-eat the Mustangs .... linebackers (I'll assume our linemen can eat more than this -- sure hope they can anyway), then give the Cheesecake Factory a try. But remember: this is a case in which the quantity exceeds the quality, and its taste will have you conjuring up childhood trips to the Golden Arches. This one's a little better -- only a little better -- and the price reflects it.

[PK]

I will in general agree with Whatasteve's assessment other than that my rankings are a bit different. I would merely switch Jake's and Campisi's position on his list.

I did not have the "Tons-of-fun" version of the Cheesefactory burger....I had what they described as a "classic" burger. It had the same amount of meat as the other burger, but just two buns rather than three. First off let me say that I hate places where you have to assemble your burger from various condiments on your plate. The triple decker was preassembled for obvious reasons...my "classic" was not. Having said that, other than the flavor of the charred outer surface of the patty, the meat had no flavor. They obviously buttered the bun before toasting it as I could taste the butter, but not the beef. If all your looking for is quantity, then you will love the Cheesefactory. All of their menu items looked like they have taken the "supersizing of America" to heart. I did not partake of dessert as I was quite full, but it appeared everyone else loved them.

[This message has been edited by PK (edited 06-10-2002).]

[BiteMe]

Greetings, this is the Poster formerly known as PX. The website is refusing to accept my password, so I had to created a new user name. Hopefully this will work. I've been trying to make this post for a couple of days now.

Since you people went to Uptown without me, you're now going to have to listen to my evaluation of a couple burgers I had while on vacation.
First, the Bob Burger at Country Bobs (not to be confused with the legendary Bobs Country Bunker) on Route 12 in Lowville, New York. (I'm not making this up.) The Bob Burger is a half pound of very fresh, excellent beef. Proving that there is an advantage to being located right next to a barn full of cows. This is the kind of burger PK would enjoy, except that its thicker than the Campisi burger, and might be too much for him to handle. It comes served on a toasted bun with lettuce, tomato, onion and pickles, and a side of excellent thick cut french fries. Everything is garden fresh, probably because the garden is right down the street. Its a very tasty burger, that lacks any of the little extra's like Ketchup, or bacon, that seem to confuse and fluster PK so badly. Even better than the burger, though is the pie. They usually have about 37 different varieties of freshly made pies at Country Bobs, and I personally recommend the Blackberry, Maple Pecan, (ala Mode, of course, with sweet vanilla ice cream made on the premises with milk thats pretty much straight from the cow), the Butterscoth Cream, and the sugar free Bananna Cream.
If you're lucky, there will also be some quality entertainment at Bobs when you visit. Country Bobs is the home of the Tuesday Night Cruise In, and there is usually a good band playing. The Cruise In attracts hot rods and their owners from all over upstate New York, and is one of the areas biggest social events every week. Lewis County New York is the kind of place where people who are entering the Demolition Derby at the State Fair leave their Derby car parked on the front lawn for months after its demolished, because its a status symbol. Anyway, in the past Country Bobs has been graced by such showbiz legends as Billy Dee, Johnny Farina, and the award winning thespian who portrayed Cooter on "The Dukes Of Hazzard." Cooter has his own band now, and apparently they tour the rural areas of America, playing locations like Country Bobs. June 25th is Corvette Night, and Eddie and The Stingrays will be playing.
To find Country Bobs you should begin by flying to Syracuse, New York. If you dont like to fly, I can give you road directions, instead. If you turn right after leaving the Syracuse Airport, you should be on I-81 North, take I-81 45 miles north to the exit for Adams Center, take Route 177 east about 25-30 miles, to Lowville, and turn right on Main Street, and stay left at the traffic light. bearing left puts you on route 12, and Country Bobs is just 200 yards further down, on the left, next to the Rossdale Dairy.

While I was in the area, I also tried the Monster Burger at the Stillwater Inn. The Inn is a 3 star restaraunt/tavern/hotel on the Stillwater Reservoir. It mainly caters to Snowmobile riders and crosscountry skiers during the winter, and by a strange twist of fate it's very difficult to get to during the summer, because the road leading to the reservoir is barely usable. When there's no snow its so rough it will shake the fillings out of your teeth. Of all the things on their menu, the Monster Burger should probably be your last choice. Its a hefty 1 pound burger, single decker, with red onion and lettuce, but its kind of average. Should you ever visit the Stillwater Inn, have the Veal Marsala, the Beer Battered Haddock, or the Seafood Medley. The burger is for the hayseeds who are intimidated by food they cant pronounce.

Anyway, thats my report on the Burger situation in the Adirondack Park in upstate NY. Stay tuned tomorrow for my report on the Tons Of Fun Burger at The Cheesecake Factory. Although whasteve has already stolen my line about the Big Mac on steroids.

[This message has been edited by PonyPride (edited 06-10-2002).]

[whatasteve]

On the contrary - your line was that it was a "gourmet Big Mac."

There was no attempted plagerism on my part. If you indeed uttered those eloquent words about 'roids, I defer all credit to you.

[PK]

Love your new name PX!! Sorry you were having trouble posting...I was trying to wait awhile for your review before doing mine, but gave up waiting. You can crush Whatasteve at our next meeting.

[PX]

test

[BiteMe]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by PX:
<B>test</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok, apparently my old username and Password work for someone else, just not for me, because I didnt write that.

Anyway, I did use the Big Mac on steroids line when we were having dinner, but I think it was while you were away for your smoke break, so you may not have heard it from me.
Incidentally, for those folks who complained of a lack of flavor in the Hamburger, I should take this opportunity to mention that its a scientific fact that smoking will kill your taste buds. Dr. Mrs. Punch can back me up on this one.
The Tons Of Fun Burger at Cheesecake Factory does indeed bear a su****ious resemblance to the worlds most popular clone-burger. Its like someone took a Big Mac and and asked themselves how could they make it better. Bigger bun, bigger patties, special sauce made from mayo blended with herbs and ****ces, and cooked to order. Mine was medium rare, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. the bigges problem was trying to take a bite out of it, the human jaw wasnt made to stretch that far, its a bit too tall. The fries that came with it, unfortunately, were definitely McDonalds quality. Nothing interesting about them.
Cheesecake factory does move into first place, though, in the appetizer category. Where else can the Burger afficianado get little mini burgers as an appetizer? The fried onion strings with ranch dressing were great, and the Chocolate Tuxedo cheesecake...... men, I'm just going to let that name speak for itself. Lets just say when this orgy of gluttony was over, they needed a wheelbarrow to get me out to the parking lot.
Everything at the Cheesecake Factory is great, thats why in the 3 dozen times I've eaten there, I've never had the burger before. Its not a place I go to, just to have a hamburger, there are too many other really interesting items on the menu. If you're there and you gotta have a burger, the Tons Of Fun will put a smile on your face and a strain on your waistline, but checck out the rest of the menu first.
Oh, and bring your visa card. Or travelers checks. Or a big pile of cassh, beccause all this gluttony doesnt come cheap, on average a date at the Cheesecake Factory that includes drinks (gotta have a Mangorita) appetizers, dinner and dessert usually runs me about 70 to 80 bucks. Ahhhh, but it can definitely be worth it.

[Thumper]

Sounds like you've got too much money on your hands, if you're willing to dump that kind of cash for dinner.