Burger wars, re-visited

[whatasteve]

I have an assignment for ALL PonyFans:

Go to Uptown Bar & Grill and enjoy what can be called nothing other than a really damn-good burger. Without betraying my loyalty to First & 10 (had to throw that in before PX or PK screamed illigitimacy in this missive), I must laud the greatness of Uptown B&G. Great burger, great place. Classy enough that you might want to keep your shoes on, but beyond that, it's casual enough that just about anything goes. And ask for Randy - the man appears to be a certifiable loon, but he's also a damn good waiter. Very funny, and managed to keep track of six very particular orders on the Burger Crew's last venture there. The music skidded uncontrollably back into the 1980s, which had Whatachick and The Lovely Mrs. Punch getting all nostalgic (The Lovely Mrs. Punch was unable to contain her urge to break out in dance mode). But beyond that, Uptown has neared Mecca status - a location to which all PonyFans must make a pilgrimage.

[PerunaPunch]

We were able to restrain The Lovely Mrs. Punch from dancing on the tabletops despite the ‘80s music and Tuaca shots. So overall, I’d have to call it another successful Burger Wars outing.

Next Week (or so): Snookie's - which we all hope is like Smucker's Grape Jelly. You know, with a name like that, it's got to be good.

[PX]

You're right Steve, Randy is a loon. An annoying loon. And I dont see why you're saying he was such a good waiter, when he kept forgetting things. My shrooms, PK's fries, etc. His screaming fit in Spanish with the cook didnt inspire confidence, either.
Anyway, the Uptown Bar and Grill offers just one basic burger, but you have your choice of a variety of toppings you can add for just a few dimes extra. So, PK could get his as plain as possible, and I could get mine with Mushrooms, bacon, and swiss cheese, while PerunaPunch had his with jalapenos, guacamole, and pepperjack cheese. So, this is their secret, by varying to add-ons Uptown is able to satisfying a variety of different tastes with one hamburger.
Steve ordered his burger medium well, and thats the way it came. I ordered mine medium rare, and it also came medium well. I consider myself lucky that it wasnt burnt to a crisp, because everything else was. The bacon on my burger was burned rock hard, and saturated in salt to the point that it was inedible. I had to take the bacon off in order to be able to eat the burger, and you know thats not my nature. The fries were the same way, I dont think they had any actual potato in them, they tasted like really long salt crystals deep fried in grease.
The burger wasnt bad when the bacon was gone, but it wasnt quite the rave the others thought it was. High marks for the diverse add-ons, but that doesnt completely overcome the overcooking. Right now Uptown is 3rd on my list.

1.) Tipperary Inn.
2.) Joe Willys
3.) Uptown
4.) Jakes
5.) Two Rows
6.) First and Ten
7.) Cheesecake Factory.
8.) Campisis.
9.) Snuffers.

More later on my ideas for a burger playoff.

[whatasteve]

PX, you're better off without mushrooms - Randy was trying to save your life.

[PK]

After a break for the week of the 4th, we have hit yet another burger place. This one is called Snookie's and is located on Oak Lawn about a block north of Lemmon. I didn't know what to expect, but was pleasantly suprised by being served one hell of a good burger....this is a new leader on my list. Reminded me a lot of the first burger I had at Uptowns....only better. Whatasteve didn't join us for this one. He claimed to be sick, but probably just wanted to stay home and watch the All Stars Game (why anyone would, I don't know).

My personal ranking as currently revised:

1. Snookie's
2. Uptown Bar & Grill
3. Campisi's
4. Tipperary Inn
5. Joe Willy's
6. 1st & 10
7. Two Rows
8. Jake's
9. Cheese Factory
10. Snuffer's

BTW, Peruna Punch swears he will finally reveal his rankings soon....yeah right.

[PerunaPunch]

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

This past week I put on the slacks with the elastic waistband in an effort to catch up with the group. I hit Joe Willy’s. I made a special reconnaissance trip to J.G.’s, and on a warm summer night that saw Whatasteve sidelined with a grossly inflamed gastrointestinal tract, we made the pilgrimage down to Oak Lawn where the locals really know how to pack meat.

Snookie’s advertised their 1/2 pound burger as the ‘best on the planet’, which I guess outdoes Uptown’s claim of Dallas’ best burger. Like PK, I wasn’t expecting much and was caught off guard by a burger that skyrocketed to the top of the chart. For the last month or so, I’ve been downplaying PX’s repeated demands for a burg-off. Now I see the light. Cause right now, we have a heated race for #1. My only hesitation at listing Snookie’s as #1 is that it just doesn’t sound as beefy as a good burger joint should. I mean, we got Joe Willy, Jake’s, 1st &10... And then you have Snookie’s. Jeez.

By the way, J.G.’s wasn’t nearly as offensively greasy as I remembered when I worked down the street from there. But it’s certainly not in the same class as our top contenders on this list.

1A. Snookie's
1B. Uptown Bar & Grill
3. Joe Willy's
4. Snuffer’s
5. 1st & 10
6. Cheesecake factory
7. Campisi's
8. Two Rows

[whatasteve]

What a week for my gizzard to shut down (nice "inflamed gastrointestinal tract" reference, Punch). I had no idea Snookie's would draw such rave reviews from the Crew. I did visit the place a few weeks ago with Peruna Punch and The Lovely Mrs. Punch (we intentionally didn't try the burger, so as to avoid upsetting the rest of the Crew) and was wildly unimpressed by the chicken sandwich. I vaguely remember guzzling a beer or 51 during occasionaly visits there while I was in school, but if I ate anything then, I sure don't remember it.

So needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised to read the reports submitted today by the fearless Peruna Punch and PK. Methinks Whatachick and I will have to make a journey over there to catch up - there's no excuse for falling behind on things as important as Burger Wars.

And in response to you, PK, I most certainly was NOT watching the baseball all-stupid game. First of all, it's hard to be a baseball fan nowadays even when the games do count. Then you have players bowing out because of injuries (I'm sure that blister is life-threatening, Mr. Glavine) or simply because they want to spend the few days with the family (good thinking, Johnson -- at $12 million per year, I'm sure you can't afford to fly your family to the game with you, and I'm sure you can't find a reason to suck it up and pitch in a game that has no meaning except for the fans. You freakishly tall, spoiled brat.) With free agency what it is today, the players have zero interest in winning the mid-season exhibition, since they have no loyalty to a given team or league and might be on the other team next year. And lastly, nobody in the burger crew has enough money to pay me to watch a game that Butt Selig was trumpeting in his team's town (oh, right - he doesn't have an interest in the Beer-town Nine any more -- his DAUGHTER owns the team now). He is the worst commissioner in the history of sports, or at least since I've been alive, and to sit through a five-hour saga of baseball patting itself on the back while ignoring the steroid issue. And with a strike (how many is that now?) hanging in the near future, how could anyone pay the $125-$175 per seat to go watch that charade? Those who paid to go to the game, or even watched it on TV, are nothing more than sheep.

So no, PK, I was not sitting through that beating. As Peruna Punch so tastefully insinuated, I was down for the count for four days. And even that was more pleasant than watching that meaningless game.

[PerunaPunch]

One down and one to go.

I made the pilgrimage to Jake’s today. The burger was good, especially in its class, which I would classify as the ‘roadhouse/drive-in’ variety. The patty was unfortunately thin, which made it rather unimpressive in light of some of the monsters on our current list. You might like it if you’re one of those (like The Lovely Mrs. Punch) who likes well done burgers and doesn’t particularly like thick, juicy patties.

It’s very similar to Jack’s Burger House, but not quite as good. Jack’s is tastier than Jake’s, plus Jake’s doesn’t have the SMU ambiance and influence. And then there are those famous Burger House fries and shakes. Jake’s DOES, however, sell beer. So that’s a positive. Still, I was expecting a bit more from this Dallas landmark. There are some on this thread that rated it ahead of some very good burgers. I didn’t.

1A. Snookie's
1B. Uptown Bar & Grill
3. Joe Willy's
4. Snuffer’s
5. 1st & 10
6. Cheesecake factory
7. Campisi's
8. Jake’s
9. Two Rows

[PonyTales]

How come we never get a report from "The Lovely Mrs. Punch"? I saw when she registered on the site, but she never speaks. Do you not let her near the computer?

[This message has been edited by PonyTales (edited 07-12-2002).]

[whatasteve]

Woah -- Jack's doesn't hold a candle to Jake's. I realize Jack's is closer to campus and has a little SMU flavor that Jake's lacks, but that's it. Comparing the burgers at Jake's to those at Jack's is like comparing Ford Stadium to the Cotton Bowl. There's just no comparison. Like the Cotton Bowl, Jack's is an old SMU tradition - but that doesn't make it a great place. Jake's is vastly superior.

And, PonyTales, I see you're at it again. Struck out with Whatachick or something? Now you're after The Lovely Mrs. Punch? Control yourself.

[PerunaPunch]

Alright Whatasteve, I'm throwing down the gauntlet.

I challenge you to a sudden death burg-off. Jack's vs. Jake's. You're basing your opinion of Jack's on one trip where they bungled to order. Give it another try.

[whatasteve]

You're on - always up for a good burger challenge. Besides, Whatachick missed the first go-round on Jake's. I'll willingly give Jack's another chance. And again -- it wasn't bad by any means. Just nowhere near as great as Jake's.

[SMUstang]

Not to be a wet blanket, but just what does this have to do with SMU football?

[PK]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by SMUstang:
<B>Not to be a wet blanket, but just what does this have to do with SMU football?</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Not a whole lot, but then there isn't much football going on now either to talk about.

On the other hand, when people come into town for the games this fall, they just might like to know where to go for a good burger.

[BiteMe]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by SMUstang:
<B>Not to be a wet blanket, but just what does this have to do with SMU football?</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nothing.

So?

Bite Me.