College Football Diary- Week Six

[ThadFilms]

College Football Diary is a week-by-week analysis of the weekend that was with an emphasis on regional teams especially SMU, the team I love, and Texas, the team I love to hate.

College Football Diary represents the opinions of its author. Feel free to disagree- but you’re wrong. That was a joke.

College Football Diary appears weekly on www.PonyFans.com and www.HornFans.com


College Football Diary: Week Six

Dear Diary,

College Football Diary is back from hiatus and better for it. Well perhaps not better for it, more likely, exactly the same for it. However we will no let these minor trivialities stop us from marching forward into the field of college football battle.

Speaking of minor trivialities, how about how the SMU football season is going so far? What college football season? I do not recall those games, Senator.

To quote the short-lived MTV sketch comedy series, The State- “Poop! Poop! Poop! Poopity-Poop!”

Perhaps it’s best not to dwell on the past. Yes, that is the key to successful healthy life. Although I’m on the verge of therapy- do they have college football therapists?

PE83: “How could he fumble on the one, doc?”
Therapist: “It’s not your fault.”
PE83: “What childhood trauma could have caused that to happen?”
Therapist: “It’s not a childhood trauma- he was stripped.”
PE83: “How could he have been stripped?”
Therapist: “Well, the defender made a great play-”
PE83: “How do you know!? You weren’t there!”
Therapist: “It still sounds like you’re blaming yourself.”
PE83: “Maybe if I would have tied my shoes backwards, or, or, worn the blue jersey instead of the red one…”
Therapist: “Say it with me, ‘I am not responsible for the way my team plays on the field.’ C’mon now, say it…. Say it with me… SAY IT!”
PE83: “I… am… not… responsible… for… the… way… my… team… plays on the… field.”
Therapist: “Now don’t you feel better?”
PE83: “No. No. What can I do, doc? What can I do to get a play-action pass called on first down?”
Therapist: “Well maybe if you were a better person your football team would be 3 and 2 right now, instead of 0 and 5.”
PE83: “Ahh, doc, that’s it! I’m going to volunteer at a soup kitchen! And… And maybe I’ll remove that spycam I installed years ago in the Pi Phi house… Oh, oh, oh, and habitat for humanity, and Brian’s Home, and Equest…”
Therapist: “That’s good. That’s good… but, uh, leave the spycam.”
PE83: “Sure, doc- you’re the best… thanks again for the 20 cc’s of Jack Daniels.”

And just for the hell of it, I feel a quote coming on…

“Walk- with your credit card in the air
Waving nun chucks like you just don’t care
This is the slow sick sucking part of me
This is the slow sick sucking part of me
And when I suck in kisses- sour”
-Steven Malkmus

So with all that in mind, dear diary, I will focus on this upcoming weekend’s thoroughly exciting match-ups. Because why live in the past? I’m mean it’s not like my internet handle harkens back to the first day of 1983- right?

SMU vs. SJSU

I heard that San Jose State finally got running water. The electricity is still shoddy so I don’t know about this one. On the bright side they actually brought in a JuCo transfer to make sure the lights switch on, so maybe this game will get played.

Well this game looks really exciting, seeing as both teams are just having such a wonderful week leading up to the game. What are the teams’ records? Who cares? Throw out the record books in this one, ‘cause this is the biggest game of the weekend!

Wait a minute…

Okay. Okay. I’m lying. Anyway- I’m not predicting a win, I’m not telling you to print this one in 30 point type… but I think we might take this one.

Official prediction: Power Outage - Game Canceled


Texas vs. OU

Sing the following slowly… like an old beer hall song… or don’t.

Mack Brown, what are you to do?
It’s like your dancing with a second left shoe.
Can you beat the Stooper?
Or will your season again be in the pooper?
It’s enough to make your fans drink to a stupor.
Mack Brown, you don’t know what to do?
Here, I’ll give you a clue-
Throw it deep to Roy,
It’s a rather simple ploy,
That’s all I’ve got to say,
I’ll call again another day.

Prediction: OU wins… again.


Miami vs. Florida State

No Frank Gore. You’ve got a Gator infiltrator at quarterback… not good. Not good. As much as I hat Miami, I want Payton to do well in the game. Just because he epitomizes everything that most Miami players don’t- now, I do not know him personally- but he seems like a good guy and a genuine football player. Not a star- just an athlete.

I do like seeing Florida State come up short over and over again… but not this time…

Prediction: Florida State squeaks out a victory.


Arkansas vs. Auburn

This should be a good game. That’s all I have to say.

Prediction: Arkansas.


And dear diary, that’s all for this week. Time to take a trip. Take a trip to St. Louis and catch a Rams game on Monday night. Not that I am a Rams fan, but when in Rome… whatever.


College Football Diary
The author of College Football Diary is a filmmaker and writer living in Dallas, TX.

[ThadFilms]

Uh that would be "hate Miami" not "hat Miami"... but hate is such a strong word...