Top 10: San Jose State

[Letterman]

From the Home Office, High on the Hilltop, the Top 10 reasons SMU will beat San Jose State this Saturday:

10. Players, coaches left in confused daze after contemplating all the questions around Spartans' signing of ultimate 2-for-1 package: freshman LBs James T. Callier and James Callier Jr. -- who are 54 days apart in age.

9. SJSU head coach Dr. Fitz Hill can't concentrate on gameplan - still bitter that the fat bald guy got the Oprah spinoff show. (Last seen wandering the streets of San Jose, muttering "It's Dr. FITZ, not Dr. PHIL!")

8. RB Tyson Thompson "retires" before game, claiming his body just can't move like it used to "at his age" (of 23).

7. SJSU defensive players call Mustang QB Jerad Romo "Sir" and refuse to tackle the Antelope Valley (Calif.) College grad -- figuring that since he got in to SMU, they'll all be asking him for a job one day.

6. Repeated penalties called against SJSU for too many men on the field; careful investigation of the roster reveals that when coaches call out jersey numbers of players in certain formations, calls for "#100" (which is another question for another discussion) cause Jamar Butler, John Norman, Ulisese Liua and Tamafaiga Tanuvasa all to run on the field to fill the same spot.

5. Spartans miss game, choosing instead to help authorities look for "whatever's left" of SJSU-ex Jeff Garcia, who was last seen getting mauled by the Dallas Cowboys defense.

4. San Jose players think Garcia is a great player to mention as an alumnus of the same program; opinion changes after Spartans walk past statue of Doak Walker outside Ford Stadium.

3. NCAA penalizes San Jose State after admitting to having been "duped by altered SJSU memos" which convinced the governing body of collegiate athletics that there really is a "college" somewhere called Morgan State, and that San Jose State should be credited with a win.

2. Spartans' confidence shattered when Coach Hill tells his team: "Look at Kevin Federline -- that guy just married Britney Spears. And you guys have EVERY BIT as much talent and potential as he does."

And the #1 reason SMU will beat San Jose State this Saturday:

1. Spartans have a defensive tackle whose first name is "Buick." Seriously -- that's his name. And everyone knows Mustangs are better than Buicks.

[Dutch]

always a crowd pleaser. you've done it again.

[Hoofprint]

Couldn't agree more.
Thumbs up!

[The PonyGrad]

Hey, I've got two Buicks.

[Hoofprint]

always a crowd pleaser. you've done it again.

Anyone else uncomfortable with the signature ("Savor the Flavor"), considering the screen name refers to a mustache?

Actually, it's funny, in a really twisted kind of way.

[Big Easy Pony]

Outstanding! #3 is the funniest, but #1 and #2 are pretty good, too.

[Pony4Life]

Do you realize that now I'm going to be subconsciously looking for Dr. Phil on the sidelines Saturday night?


Another winner list!

[MustangStealth]

That #10 is freakin me out.

[Dutch]

Obviously Mr. Collier was a busy man and was also very proud of his moniker.

[Dooby]

I had to go check out No. 10 on the San Jose Sports website to see it for myself. That is about the strangest thing I have ever seen on a sports roster.

[MrMustang1965]

I'm just ready to see some Mustang TOTAL a Buick on Saturday!!!!!!!

[The PonyGrad]

I'll be sure to park off campus.

[Hilltopper]

Our man Buick isn't the only unusual name on the roster - check out #6 on this list. (Although I'm pretty sure he's the only one named after any form of motorized transportation.)

As I recall, San Jose's roster gives most announcers as much trouble as Hawaii's, with all these Samoan guys. Poor Craig Swann is in for a long day.

[WildHorse]

Terrific, as always. You really have a knack for these things.

And PLEASE let that be the last Dr. Phil reference on this site! Mrs. WildHorse watches that goon, and he's extremely annoying.

[Higher Authority]

Not the best list you've ever done, Letterman, but still pretty damn good.