Top 10: Rice

[Letterman]

From the home office, High on the Hilltop, the top 10 reasons SMU will beat Rice in Houston Saturday:

10. RB injury leaves Owls without a Lott on offense

9. Option loyalist Ken Hatfield figures there's no way SMU will continue to use that newfangled gimmick: the forward pass

8. Mustangs can eat a lot of Rice

7. Laura Miller is one tough lady, wins fistfight with Houston mayor during honorary "Mayor's Cup" pre-game ceremonies

6. OL Cotey-Joe Cswaykus and RB Bio Bilaye-Benibo dismissed from school for academic fraud when professors catch them looking at their student ID cards to spell their names on tests

5. Pre-game "motivational pep talk" by [deleted] Cheney leaves Owls feeling grouchy and bitter

4. Rice WRs stage mass exodus, quitting the team because "we're not going to throw the ball anyway"

3. Even all those computer engineers at Rice can't correct every "Syptak error"

2. In an effort to tap into Rice's success on the baseball diamond, Owl QBs have been working on throwing mechanics with baseball team, and get frustrated when "slider doesn't break"

And the #1 reason SMU will beat Rice in Houston Saturday:

1. After reading reports of possible RB changes by SMU, Owls show up wearing too many pads to move, afraid they'll become a "Richuel sacrifice"

[SMUFan]

Not bad, but you've had better.

10, 5 and 3 are my favorites here.

[Higher Authority]

#1 is funny. But .... let's just say you're not out after Strike 1. This is Strike 1.
(Don't take it personally - your lists are great. This one .... isn't.)
Better next time!

[Arkpony]

I thought they were great!

[couch 'em]

I thought #1 and #10 are one of his all time best lines.

[Hal]

I agree - 10 and 1 are excellent.

#3 wouldn't be nearly as funny if Syptak didn't get his name called so often last year. That kid is a player.

Good stuff, Letterman!