Let's put this in perspective, "Hang Tough" (long post)

[PonySoprano]

Pony Fans. This post is not meant to necessarily solicit sympathy for the current football coaching staff. However, I want to share how the current coaching staff helped me tackle some adversity I had to deal with three years ago. I bring this up because I want everyone to know the quality of the individuals who are representing our University.

“Hang Tough”
I discovered that I had brain cancer in the spring of 2003. While it was shocking to hear the words from my neurosurgeon, “this is cancer,” I knew there would be only one thing to do, and that was to fight.

I have been fighting for over three years and I never would have made it this far without the help of so many, including several Pony Fans who are regular contributors to this site. The outpouring of support that I have received has been overwhelming. This support and encouragement has not only helped me cope with the fact that I am a cancer patient, but it has strengthened my determination to beat this disease.

I am an alumnus of SMU, a Mustang Club member, and a big supporter of the football program. When it became known that I was diagnosed with brain cancer, I heard from several people I knew at SMU, including Jim Copeland and Scott Secules.

In particular, two special bonds really stand out. First, not long after I learned of my diagnosis, I received a phone call at home from Coach Phil Bennett. Coach Bennett encouraged and motivated me that l could get past this diagnosis. After my surgery, Coach Bennett checked up on me on a regular basis and encoraged me to get better.

Another special bond that I formed also stands out. One day, out of the blue, I received a letter from Coach Bob Fello, who at the time was the Assistant Head Football Coach at SMU (Bob is now at The Citadel). I had never met Coach Fello, and I never expected him to become such an important part of my cancer fight.

Coach Fello began sending me letters along with quotes and inspirational messages from his own personal file. The first letter I received from Bob began with a photocopy of a quote from his file. I share Bob’s first letter below:

If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, ‘I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.’
- Author Unknown

Greg:
I recently learned of your situation from Phil Bennett and just wanted to write and offer you my encouragement. Sometimes we get blind-sided in life and some never get over the shock – “how did this happen to me?”
My wife is dealing with a lot of health issues and everyday we both have to check our attitude and make sure we are ready to do battle. I read this quotation and many others when I feel like I need a boost. Words won’t do it all, but your courage, determination and positive attitude will get you through. Remember – we are all pulling for you – you’ve got a great team in your corner.
Hang Tough,
Bob Fello

While all of the phone calls, cards, and letters I received after my diagnosis and recovery from brain surgery touched me and meant a lot to me, reading Coach Fello’s letter reached out to me in a different way. I was blown away by the fact that someone who I had never met, and who was fighting some serious family health issues – Coach’s wife, Sue, was fighting a severe form of diabetes that had progressed to kidney failure - took the time to write me and begin to coach me through this journey I was just beginning. I was so proud that this man was also a representative of SMU.

While I responded to all the letters and cards I received from everyone, I immediately sat down and wrote Coach Fello back. “Hang Tough” immediately became my battle cry.

Not long after writing Coach Fello back, I received another letter from him:
Greg:
Good to hear back from you! I know you will Hang Tough.
We just went through another challenge with Sue and she hung in there and fought her [deleted] off. Sometimes it can all pile up on you and you feel overwhelmed, but just keep telling yourself “I’ll get through this day!” It works for us and I sure hope it works for you.
Hang Tough
Bob Fello

Coach Fello and I started corresponding on a regular basis, and every time I received a letter or note from Coach, it provided a huge pick up in my spirits. I began radiation and chemotherapy treatments in April and Coach continued to send notes to help me stay focused. I had already come to believe, like many great athletes who have great coaches, ‘if I listen to my Coach and do what he is teaching me to do, I can’t help but win.’

Over the next several weeks, I received many notes from Coach, and none of them went unanswered.

Nothing splendid has even been achieved
Except by those who dared to believe
That something inside them was superior to circumstances

Greg,
Just thought I’d drop a note to see how you are doing today. Most of our coaches are out on the spring recruiting trail and our guys are finishing up classes and getting ready for finals. I imagine church attendance will be up big time these next few days! No matter what the challenge that pops up (as they always will) you just have to believe that you are superior to them and will overcome it. I know you will. Always fight the good fight, be it one day at a time, one round at a time, or even if it has to be one punch at a time. We are with you – Hang Tough!
Bob Fello


THE TWO RULES OF PERSEVERANCE
RULE #1: TAKE ONE MORE STEP.
RULE #2: WHEN YOU DON’T THINK YOU CAN TAKE ONE MORE STEP, REFER TO RULE #1

Greg:
How are you doing today? Had enough rain haven’t we?! We just got done with our June camps on Wednesday so we are back on a little bit more normal schedule. Camps were well attended and we had a few real good looking prospects attend. I hope you are having a good week. Just remember those 2 Rules.
Hang Tough,
Bob Fello

Winners form the habit of concentrating on what they want to have happen.
Losers concentrate on what they don’t want to have happen.
In pressure situations, winners call up past wins, losers call up past losses.
Both are self-fulfilling.

Hey Greg:
How are you doing today? I hope it’s a good one for you. We just celebrated Sue’s 53rd birthday on Monday and this time a year ago we were counting the days. I know you’ll concentrate on the positives and will draw on past successes like the winner you are. I’m right on your shoulder.
Hang Tough,
Bob

Towards the end of my radiation treatment, I began to feel very weak and had lost my appetite. At first, the doctors could not figure out what was going on. I spent a few nights in the hospital and was released, but still with no conclusive diagnosis. Finally, after a visit to my neuro-oncologist and a spinal tap, I discovered that I had contracted a meningitis virus in my spinal fluid. The meningitis sapped all the energy and strength I had. I did not even have the strength to eat – chewing my food was too strenuous of an activity. I was forced to suspend my radiation and chemotherapy treatments until I had enough strength to start them again. But, as Bob said, he was right there on my shoulder:

A FAVORITE STORY
A young man in his early teens sat musing one day on the banks of a great river. A priest chanced to pass that way, and the young man said to him, “Good Father, what shall I do to have success?”
The priest answered, “Follow me” and he waded forthwith into the stream.
The water grew deeper and deeper, but the priest led on, and the boy followed until the water reached his chin. As he turned to go back the priest seized him by the hair of his head and held him at arm’s length under the water. The lad struggled and fought with all his strength, and finally when it seemed he would drown, with a mighty effort he broke away and made his way to shore.
After the lad had ceased gasping, the priest said to him: “Young man, what did you want most while you were held under water?”
“Air! Air!” the boy replied. Then the priest said, “My son, when you desire success as much and are willing to fight for it as hard as you fought for air, nothing can keep you from getting it.”

Hey Greg:
I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough couple of days, but I guess those are going to come with the territory sometimes. You know – we’ve been going through a lot of things with Sue’s health and the doctors have been great, but about a month ago she had a real severe set-back and when we got her home from ICU and surgery, she was in pain and mentally discouraged. When I need a pick-me-up to keep up the fight, I’ll grab one of these from my file. Hope you don’t mind me sending them along to you. We all want things, but the stuff you have to fight for is really worthwhile.
You Hang Tough partner.
Bob

After a couple of weeks, I was able to fight off the meningitis virus without additional medication. It took a lot of rest and I believe a lot of determination on my part that I was going to get better. The determination to get better was in a large part instilled in me by Coach.

The summer progressed and I continued with my treatments. Towards the end of summer, it became time to start thinking about football, and I became hopeful that I would be well enough to spend Saturday afternoons and evenings back on campus (and the Boulevard) watching college football and cheering for my Mustangs. I was feeling better, but still not 100% and Bob kept providing the coaching to get me to continue moving forward.

ATTITUDE
By Charles Swindoll

Can’t change the past.
Can’t change how people will act.
The only thing we can do is
play on the one string we have –
That is our Attitude.

I am convinced that
Life is 10% what happens to me
And 90% how I react to it.
The remarkable thing is
We have a choice everyday regarding
The attitude we will embrace for that day.

Greg:
I sure hope you are doing well today. I am sorry I haven’t done a better job of staying in touch. We’ve been fighting some battles at home too and I let too much time slip by. You have been in our thoughts a bunch! Everyday you get up – just know that I’m right there on your shoulder. Make today a good one – somehow, some way!
Players report on Monday, maybe you can make a practice.
Hope you are staying positive.
You Hang Tough!
Bob

This particular note continues to stick with me. In fact, “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it” is something that I truly believe and has become a principle to which I always keep in mind. Yes, cancer “happened” to me. So what? The real question is what am I going to do about it? I’m not going to let it define me and become who I am as a person. But I’m not going to ignore it either. I am going to take it head on and beat it.

As fall football practice began, Bob invited me out to practice and I finally got to meet the man behind the letters. I attended several practices before the start of the season, and it was great to see Bob in action. He is definitely a man who practices what he preaches and he tries to teach his players the same lessons that he had been coaching me. Football season started, and the Mustangs got off to a winless start, but that did not change Bob’s correspondence schedule.

Time in Between
L’Express, Paris

Dr. Jean-Louis Etienne, the man who walked alone to the North Pole, explains what these forays into the world of ice and snow bring him:
There are two great times of happiness – when you are haunted by a dream, and when you realize it. Between the two, there’s a strong urge to let it all drop. . .There are abandoned bicycles in every garage because their owners’ backsides got too sore the first time they rode them. They didn’t understand that pain is a necessary part of learning. I almost gave up a thousand times before reaching those moments of happiness when I forgot that I was cold.

Greg,
Sorry I haven’t written more frequently. We’ve had to make some adjustments with Sue’s game plan and try to get back on track. This was an interesting quote by this guy and I refer to it and show it to my guys every year at the beginning of Fall Camp. We are still trying to get a win and will continue to work hard. But boy that mental part – believing you can win, believing it will get better – continuing to push even when you can’t see improvement. Well, we all have to do that – one day at a time – sometimes minute by minute. Just know that there isn’t a day your name doesn’t pop into my head and I always say, “Hang Tough Greg!”
Bob

This particular quote had really struck a cord with me. I remember that after I first discovered I had a brain tumor, I felt the felling, the dream Dr. Etienne describes, that I was going to beat cancer and I was going to come through all of this a much better and stronger person. I experienced that “time in between,” while I was suffering from meningitis, and it took all the strength I had to get out of bed so I could just get to the couch to take a nap. There was the urge to let it all drop. But I fought that urge off - I was going to Hang Tough. I was not going to let anybody, including myself, down.

As the football season went on, the Mustangs were still not able to get that first win. While the team showed improvement, they were still not able to get that first win. By the end of October, the team was 0-7. However, a 0-7 record was immaterial compared to what I was about to hear.

Coach Fello’s wife, Sue, lost her fight with diabetes during the last week of October. While I never met Sue, she had become an inspiration to me, based on what Bob had told me. I knew she was a fighter and I always strived to have as much fight in me as I knew she had in her.

Despite all that Bob was going though at that time, he still found time to check in on me.

In every situation in life our attitude affects our success or failure. Attitudes fall into these categories.
I won’t I can’t I’d like to I’ll try I can I will
Where do you fit in?

Greg:
Sorry I haven’t been in touch. It has been a rough week to say the least, but your struggle has never been far from my mind. I hope you are staying positive and staying strong.
You Hang Tough-
Bob


The football season ended without a win for the Mustangs and a big loss for Coach Fello. That did not deter him from staying on my shoulder. A few weeks after the end of the season, Bob sent me another note:

“You know about half of this life, and I don’t mean just football, but half of it for all of us, you people included, is just not giving into things. I believe that very strongly. You can get into that ‘Poor me,’ syndrome, why’d this happen to me or us? And you can waste your life with that. I’m not trying to lecture here or anything, but I’m telling you that you have to have the willpower to not give in to certain things. That’s not inherent in people, and it can be learned, I think. But the mentally weak don’t generally do very well in this sport.”
- Bill Parcells

Hey Greg:
I saw this little quote from Bill Parcells and it made me think about you. I’ve been meaning to call but since we let 2 coaches go I’ve been trying to pick up a couple of Coach Ringo’s recruits and help Phil sort through possible coaching candidates. I hope you are doing well – have you made plans for the holidays? I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do but maybe we could get together for lunch or something. You just keep hanging tough – I really respect your toughness and will.
Bob

The holidays came and went, and as is sometimes the case, you are not able to connect with all the people you wish you could during that time. I spoke with Bob, but we were never able to get together. This was also a busy time for Coach, with National Signing Day coming up in February. However, at the end of January, I received another note from Coach:

Through the travail of ages
Amidst the pomp and toils of wars
Have I fought and strove and perished
Countless times among the stars
As of through a glass and darkly
The age old strife I see
Where I have fought in many guises, many names.
But always me.
- General George S. Patton
- North Africa, 1944

Greg,
Man, where does the time go? Weren’t we just talking about getting together over the holidays? I hope you are doing good. We are wrapping up recruiting and since the staff changes were made, I have been on the road taking care of a couple of local schools and that’s been good therapy. Now we just keep babysitting them until they sign on Wednesday. The poem I included talks about living many lives and fighting many battles. Keep on fighting Greg – you Hang Tough!
Bob

The poem is true, but not necessarily in a reincarnation sense. Every battle you fight does feel like a lifetime, but after you have survived the battle, you come back with new life, ready to fight again.

Bob and I were finally able to get together a few weeks after National Signing Day. We had lunch and it was great to sit and talk. Just sitting across the table and talking with Coach, I was able to draw a lot of strength and energy. I had a very calming feeling that while I had made it very far – almost a full year as a brain cancer survivor – I knew I was going to make it a lot farther.

After our lunch and visit, I received a note from Bob. While this note did not include an inspirational message or quote from his file, it didn’t need to:

Greg,
Really good to see you again. I didn’t even recognize you – you look terrific and you’re obviously doing a hell of a job in your fight.
Hope we get a chance to get together sometime. Keep up the good work.
Hang Tough.
Bob

[MrMustang1965]

Incredible.

Here's the kind of story that the Dallas Morning News and other media outlets should report.

My prayers will be with you in your continuing battle against cancer.

[Grider]

Awesome, just awesome.

[GrapevineMustang]

Best post I've ever read on here. Thanks, Greg, for sharing your story. I already was a fan of Coach Bennett and Coach Fello, and that feeling has just increased exponentially. I won't be so arrogant (this time ) as to bogart Coach Fello's expression, so .... stay strong and keep at it. We're all pulling for you.

[ReedFrawg]

Thanks so much for sharing your inspirational story! I played for Coach Fello at TCU (where he was the DL and special teams coach) and he is a good man. Some coaches talk about caring for their players, but something in Coach Fello just communicates a true depth of compassion. Both on and off the field, I have not played for a more genuine person. I'm going to save some of those quotes for those days when I am feeling sorry for myself. Greg, I wish you continued good health!

[Corso]

Likewise - best wishes, Greg.

I met Coach Fello in his first season at SMU. Didn't see him for a few years after that, until I bumped in to him on the street. Three years later, I think. He remembered meeting me, remembered my name, remembered what I did for a living and asked - by name - about my wife. After reading this story, I'm no longer surprised.

[The Falcon]

You really made my day by sharing your fight and the
caring of the SMU coaches.

Hope you are doing better now - but keep up the fight - all life is
one long problem to be solved daily. Your story will help me and
I too will save some of the quotes that Coach Fello shared with you.

Thanks again and Hang Tough

[Junior]

I dug this up after mrydel made reference to it in the other thread. I apologize if some of you consider this to be bad form, but I can't imagine anyone that wouldn't find this inspirational. I didn't know Greg, but it almost brought me to tears reading about his fight that began a few years ago.

Rest in peace, Greg. I never knew you, but it's evident that the Mustang nation lost a great friend.

[mrydel]

I started to post it and I am glad you did. I also hope that no one takes offense to bringing this up. It can give a perspective as to the type of man we have lost and will miss.

[Special_Delivery_Smu_Fans]

Wow. What a post. Thanks guys for finding it and re-posting it.

[One Trick Pony]

I love the one more step !
I do it every day with my father


BTW the avatar was not P S he was much better looking! I always wondedred why he used it. He told me something about why some humor thing...


http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y273/I ... 6edb6f.jpg

[expony18]

pretty amazing post. thanks for pulling it back up. didnt know greg but it sounds like he really had his stuff together. I was fortunate enough to know coach fello and he was an amazing person

[ponyboy]

Thanks for bumping this thread. Rest in Peace, Greg. Rest in Peace.

[peruna81]

nicely done

[Vitale]

What an extraordinary human being Greg was ... and is. I knew him only slightly - we recognized each other and said hello on the Boulevard - but I'm so grateful to have known him at all.

Thanks, Junior, for taking the time to dig that up and post it. Greg is someone from whom we ALL can learn - as a fan, and just in our relationships with other people.