Top 10: summer waiting period
Posted: Thu May 08, 2003 8:12 pmMustang35SMU pointed out (quite accurately, I might add) that the beginning of the SMU football season seems like its years away. With that in mind ....
From the Home Office, high on the Hilltop, the Top 10 things to do while waiting for the start of the 2003 SMU football season:
10. Build a collection of oversized models of SMU players all wearing jersey #10 in your front yard with a sign announcing your creation as "Mount Rushbrook"
9. Barage Pat Sajak's home with phone calls, asking him to use the name "Trent Hrncir" as a puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune" -- giggle uncontrollably as contestants try to find a place for a vowel
8. Break out a magnifying glass and a tiny chisel and blowtorch; go through your wife's family's heirloom silver, changing the stamp to "Sterling Harris Silver"
7. Visit as many sports bars as possible with a permanent marker; change the "MEN" sign on restroom doors to read "RYAN MEN-TZEL"
6. Adopt a small Shetland Pony as a pet. Every time a car reaches the end of the street, pump a tape of the Mustang Band through the oversized stereo in your garage and do a few laps up and down the block
5. Call the National Star Registry until they agree to refer to every comet that flies over Texas as "Chris Cunningham"
4. Hire Rich Phillips to call the play-by-play at your daughter's wedding. Craig Swann will provide the color commentary, detailing how the bride ran "slap over" the wedding photographer in her haste to get to the reception bar after the ceremony
3. Endure your own rigorous offseason training program as you get ready for the 2003 season: wake up no later than 9 AM; prepare charcoal in grill while drinking mandatory gallon of coffee (which of course leads to the mandatory gallon of beer); get out folding chairs, binoculars, 50-gallon cooler; make sure you're wearing at least three pieces of SMU clothing (four if you count a hat); fire up the grill and stretch back in a chair, envisioning The Boulevard; envision yourself enjoying a "cocktail," admiring the student "fashion show" and thinking the students looked nothing like that when you were in school, catching up with a long-lost roommate, and screaming like part of your anatomy's on fire when the Mustang Band begins its walk to Ford Stadium, and then (having noted that "the game" starts in an hour) force down three more hot dogs and two more burgers, laugh hysterically when you belch at imaginary "opposing fans" and tell them what a silly color purple is before slamming two more drinks and heading to "the game." Repeat this schedule every day between now and the first home game (except when the Ponies are on the road - get maps to plan road trips).
2. Fireproof your lawn to prevent Ford Stadium-esque inferno when you set off fireworks after every SMU touchdown when listening to taped broadcasts of 2002 games
And the #1 thing to do while waiting for the start of the 2003 SMU football season:
1. Convince everyone you know to buy SMU football tickets (hint: that one wasn't supposed to be a joke -- whether any of the others is funny is subject to debate)
From the Home Office, high on the Hilltop, the Top 10 things to do while waiting for the start of the 2003 SMU football season:
10. Build a collection of oversized models of SMU players all wearing jersey #10 in your front yard with a sign announcing your creation as "Mount Rushbrook"
9. Barage Pat Sajak's home with phone calls, asking him to use the name "Trent Hrncir" as a puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune" -- giggle uncontrollably as contestants try to find a place for a vowel
8. Break out a magnifying glass and a tiny chisel and blowtorch; go through your wife's family's heirloom silver, changing the stamp to "Sterling Harris Silver"
7. Visit as many sports bars as possible with a permanent marker; change the "MEN" sign on restroom doors to read "RYAN MEN-TZEL"
6. Adopt a small Shetland Pony as a pet. Every time a car reaches the end of the street, pump a tape of the Mustang Band through the oversized stereo in your garage and do a few laps up and down the block
5. Call the National Star Registry until they agree to refer to every comet that flies over Texas as "Chris Cunningham"
4. Hire Rich Phillips to call the play-by-play at your daughter's wedding. Craig Swann will provide the color commentary, detailing how the bride ran "slap over" the wedding photographer in her haste to get to the reception bar after the ceremony
3. Endure your own rigorous offseason training program as you get ready for the 2003 season: wake up no later than 9 AM; prepare charcoal in grill while drinking mandatory gallon of coffee (which of course leads to the mandatory gallon of beer); get out folding chairs, binoculars, 50-gallon cooler; make sure you're wearing at least three pieces of SMU clothing (four if you count a hat); fire up the grill and stretch back in a chair, envisioning The Boulevard; envision yourself enjoying a "cocktail," admiring the student "fashion show" and thinking the students looked nothing like that when you were in school, catching up with a long-lost roommate, and screaming like part of your anatomy's on fire when the Mustang Band begins its walk to Ford Stadium, and then (having noted that "the game" starts in an hour) force down three more hot dogs and two more burgers, laugh hysterically when you belch at imaginary "opposing fans" and tell them what a silly color purple is before slamming two more drinks and heading to "the game." Repeat this schedule every day between now and the first home game (except when the Ponies are on the road - get maps to plan road trips).
2. Fireproof your lawn to prevent Ford Stadium-esque inferno when you set off fireworks after every SMU touchdown when listening to taped broadcasts of 2002 games
And the #1 thing to do while waiting for the start of the 2003 SMU football season:
1. Convince everyone you know to buy SMU football tickets (hint: that one wasn't supposed to be a joke -- whether any of the others is funny is subject to debate)