Tired of your top college football team's offense stalling?

[George S. Patton]

Do you feel like that when it faces a 3rd and three, there's no way it can convert it?

When it gets in the red zone, are you praying that a field goal that hits the upright and goes in is considered a victory?

Well, fear not, my friends! Inside Southern Methodist University, the cure has been discovered. That's right, IT'S THE SMU DEFENSE!!

In fact, scientists were so astonished at what they found, they realized they had become the Jonas Salk of the 21st century.

Just one game...no, one quarter...well, no one series...well, really one play...can provide instant relief and help these fans shake from their doldrums.

They'll be amazed by how crisply their offense marches the ball right down the field and cause them to say, "I knew they had it them. All it took was playing SMU.''

Fans will see SMU provide an ole' style of defense never seen across the country. Their efforts will be comprised of rancid tackling techniques, poor tackling in general, blown pass coverages and very little pass rush.

In fact, opposing offenses can consider not dressing out their QBs in full pads. They won't get touched anyway. They'll have enough time to throw a 45-yard touchdown pass and text message a girlfriend in the stands at the same time. Won't she be thrilled.

But that's not all. In fact, SMU's defense will allow your offense to REALLY, REALLY convert on 3rd down. And the best part about that is that THE YARDAGE NEEDED WON'T MATTER.

Need to work on that red zone offense? With this cast of castoffs led by the bumbling Phil Bennett, you can be assured that any trap running play, bubble screen or post pattern in the end zone will hardly be defended.

Points will come to your team like coins out of a Las Vegas slot machine.

Unfortunately, the prescription was limited to only 12. Three have taken advantage of it so far and combined to score 125 points and post nearly 1,700 yards.

TCU's offense will enjoy similar results as it celebrates homecoming. The Horned Frogs can consider that two-game losing streak a distant memory.

But we have learned future opponents have the phones at Ford Stadium jammed to get on the schedules. But just a limited number of non-conference slots remain through 2015.

So when you think your favorite college team's offense just doesn't have it in it. Just remember, one game against SMU can change those frowns into smiles.

Isn't that worth it?


DISCLAIMER: The preceding does not truly represent the views of the SMu atheltic department or athletic director Steve Orsini. It is merely a demonstration when a 6-year plan has completely imploded and your head coach is running around doing nothing of great importance. Jim Gush treasurer!!

[perunapower]

F.

Entirely too elaborate and not all that funny.

[Samurai Stang]

I tire of this. Where are the geishas?

[PK]

I tire of this. Where are the geishas?

Where indeed. They could ease the pain...couldn't they?

[Statler]

Darth cannot believe what he is about to type...

Patton, nice job. Although you cannot be a true Sith (as there are only two at any one time and you still have past transgressions that have to be addressed), you may be a powerful ally. We will have to watch your further postings to see if you are worthy.