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We're straying from the traditional themes here this week, PonyFans. The Tulsa Golden Hurricane is off to a 3-4 start this season -- certainly a step in the right direction for the TU program. However, to hear their fans tell it, Tulsa is somehow on the cusp of national power status. To that end, it seemed only appropriate that someone clarify the differences between true national powerhouse programs and those that aspire to reach such status. And so, without further ado ....

From the home office, High on the Hilltop , PonyFans.com presents the Top 10 Differences between the Miami Hurricanes and the Tulsa Golden Hurricane:

10. Former player-turned-non-football celebrity
Miami: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Tulsa: Congressional Representative Steve Largent

9. Top QBs to play in the NFL
Miami: Jim Kelly, Vinny Testeverde, Bernie Kosar
Tulsa: Gus Frerotte?!?!?

8. Mascot
Miami: Sebastian the Ibis. UM literature describes the ibis as "A Bird of Courage. A Bird of Knowledge. A Bird of Strength And Speed. A leader of its species .... the last sign of wildlife to take shelter before a hurricane and the first to reappear after the storm"
Tulsa: Something (presumably supposed to prepresent an actual hurricane) that looks like an overstuffed bag of laundry that the equipment guy forgot to unpack

7. Response to proposed conference realignment
Miami: "Moving to the ACC isn't really necessary, but beating Florida State out of a conference title makes our chances even better of reaching the national title game every year"
Tulsa: "Huh? Conference USA wants us, too? Do they even know where Tulsa is? Are they aware that Skelly Stadium looks like an unfinished Kleenex box built with an Erector Set?"

6. Legacy of home field
Miami: Orange Bowl was the longtime home of the Miami Dolphins and the home of countless Orange Bowl games on New Year's Day
Tulsa: Skelly Stadium was the home of the USFL's Oklahoma Outlaws

5. Musicians/fans who annoint themselves as celebrity ambassadors of their home team
Miami: Bad-boy rappers: "2Live Crew"
Tulsa: Mullet-sporting Bee Gees-wannabes: "Hanson"

4. Postgame entertainment for visiting recruits
Miami: Following an afternoon game (usually a lopsided thrashing of some Big East foe), players whisk recruits off to hit on women at clothing-optional South Beach, followed by an all-night marathon at any of the vibrant South Beach nightclubs
Tulsa: Following an afternoon game, players begrudgingly invite both recruits to a "party" at a player's home; on the way to the party, players instruct recruits that the noise level has to be kept low at such parties to avoid attracting the police -- not because of underage drinking, but because the booze that comes out of the still in the team trainer's room ain't exactly approved by the Food and Drug Administration, (if you know what I mean....)

3. Coaching philosophy
Miami: Recruit a team full of athletes that makes an NFL roster look like a bunch of physics majors, then stand on the side drinking Gatorade while your team runs up 50-point victories, earning you national Coach of the Year consideration
Tulsa: Recruit a team full of athletes who make physics majors look like NFL Pro Bowlers, then beat two Div. II teams and upset a weary, jet-lagged Hawaii team before nosediving through the rest of the schedule, littering your press conference quotes with comments about how tough it is to get good players to come to Tulsa

2. Awe-inspiring bloodlines
Miami: TE Kellen Winslow, Jr. is the son of the greatest TE in NFL history - Kellen Winslow; RB Jarrett Payton is the son of the greatest RB in NFL history - the late Walter Payton
Tulsa: Backup DB Jarred Brejcha is the son of someone named Jim and Dwahana Brejcha of Jenks, Okla.

And the #1 difference between the Miami Hurricanes and the Tulsa Golden Hurricane:

1. Player pick-up lines
Miami: "Ever date a Heisman Trophy candidate?"
Tulsa: "Go out with me, and I'm pretty sure I can get us into the student section to watch a decent college basketball team this weekend against UTEP and Boise State"

<small>[ 10-24-2003, 03:10 PM: Message edited by: Letterman ]</small>

Best one yet. The comparison "angle" might be a staple for you. Go Stangs!

I haven't laughed that hard since the last time I heard a Longhorn insist his football team is a real national title contender.
Best ever - BY FAR the best ever!

HEY SMU win some games u loosers than u can talk smack. No fan of the worst team in the nation has any right to talk smack Your pretty boy musttangs are going down tommrow. Be carefull Daddy may not get you that 2nd BMW

again with the BMW thing? someone must have lost his girlfriend to a Mustang in a BMW. By the way - we will make fun of you whether we win the game or not - because, well because its our job.

Yall have a sorry bunch of fans its said when a school our size nearly outdrways ur fans at Moody it said when u live in a city twice the size of ours and we out draw ur for basketball. and its asiad when only a handfull of ur students go the ur football and basketballs games boy thats great
School spirit

Originally posted by hugehurricanefan:
Yall have a sorry bunch of fans its said when a school our size nearly outdrways ur fans at Moody it said when u live in a city twice the size of ours and we out draw ur for basketball. and its asiad when only a handfull of ur students go the ur football and basketballs games boy thats great
School spirit

Its even sadder when someone in college cant spell, or write a sentence in coherent English.

Originally posted by hugehurricanefan:
Yall have a sorry bunch of fans its said when a school our size nearly outdrways ur fans at Moody it said when u live in a city twice the size of ours and we out draw ur for basketball. and its asiad when only a handfull of ur students go the ur football and basketballs games boy thats great
School spirit

What were you using when you typed this? A Speak and Spell? My god, learn how to write english. If I were even slightly affliated with TU, I'd be embarrassed to have some pathetic lowlife talking trash on behalf of my university. Do everyone a favor and take an English course before coming back to post on here. As one poster on here might say "I pity tha fool that speak nuthin' but jibba jabba."

As for us living in a city that's at least twice the size of yours and drawing less fans. Considering that we have 3 major sports franchises(I didn't count the strangers), numerous entertainment establishments and something called a city life, I would expect that there probably would be less fans because there's more to do here. I mean, if I had to choose between going to a TU basketball game and hanging out at the local Mazzio's pizza talking about the Tulsa legends Hanson and Bill Goldberg with Bubba and Cletus, I'm sure I'd take the lesser of the two evils and watch the game too. Of course, I could catch some of that Drillers Baseball but even then, that's all the entertainment you guys have. So yeah, if I lived in a lame town too, I'd go watch me some basketball.

<small>[ 10-24-2003, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: Peruna_Ate_My_Rolex ]</small>

Originally posted by hugehurricanefan:
Yall have a sorry bunch of fans its said when a school our size nearly outdrways ur fans at Moody it said when u live in a city twice the size of ours and we out draw ur for basketball. and its asiad when only a handfull of ur students go the ur football and basketballs games boy thats great
School spirit

The defense rests.....
This guys an Idiot! Good thing you have other Tulsa posters to bring up our opinion of your school.

Hey, lighten up, HHF - "Letterman" writes one of these each week, and when you step back from your TU affiliation, you have to admit they're really funny.

Besides .... if we're "the worst team in the nation" and we've beaten Tulsa 7 straight times, what does that make TU?

Try some decaf. The Top 10 is humor.

I would like to point out that Hugehurricanefan has a whopping 9 posts (over the course of a year) on the TU board.

Apparently, you guys have an entirely different idea of fun down there than we do.
SMU Paper
NEWS

Bathroom sex back on campus
Police investigating "glory holes"

By Kristen Simigran
Contributing Writer
September 24, 2002

SMU is once again gaining a reputation as a hot spot for anonymous sexual encounters in building bathrooms.

According to recent police reports, a custodian found two men having sexual intercourse in the second floor bathroom of the Fondren Science building on Sept. 12. An officer later found a five-inch hole between the last two stalls that the men allegedly used. Both of the men were not affiliated with the university.

The hole, also known as a "glory hole," is used in unusual homosexual practices between men who wish to remain anonymous to one another. Typically, the holes are small fist-sized openings cut between private stalls at waist level. One man puts his genitals through the hole, while another man in the next stall on the other side of the hole performs a variety of sexual activities including oral sex.

This is not the first time SMU has been a center for "glory hole" activity. The Daily Campus first reported on the Fondren Science hole in 1998.

"SMU police have received several reports over the last few years from different individuals about suspicious behavior occurring in men's bathrooms - not only in Fondren Science building, but in the Fondren Library and Hughes-Trigg Student Center," said Capt. Mike Snellgrove of the SMU Police Department.

Early in 1998, many similar cases of the same nature were reported in the bathrooms of the Hughes-Trigg Student Center and especially the Fondren Science Building.

However, according to Snellgrove, this activity extends back to when the economics department occupied Fondren Library.

In 1998, a Web site ranked SMU as one of the top "tea rooms," or toilet areas friendly to glory hole activity, in Dallas. Several groups of unaffiliated men were caught by Digital Commons staff in the library's basement.

But on Sept. 17, 2002, police once again discovered two different men engaging in sexual activity in the third floor bathroom of Fondren Science Building. This time, the men were found standing inside separate stalls, each facing one another with their pants down to the floor. One of the men was a student and was referred to the judicial officer. The other was not affiliated and received a criminal trespass warning. Officers discovered another hole cut between the stalls at waist level.

Bob Casagrande, director of Campus Planning and Plants Operations, said they will be replacing the partition in the bathrooms with a thick metal sheet bonded with a half-inch thick plastic sheet on either side to prevent this from happening again.

The measures taken by the police in these situations depend on what the responding officer actually observes, Snellgrove said. In the past two instances, officers did not personally observe the sexual activity. As a result, the police cannot press charges.

Had the officer seen the men in the act, the two men would have been arrested for participating in sexual activity in a public restroom, which is classified as a class A misdemeanor.

Haha, yah gotta give it to the Tulsa boys.. that was a great comeback

Great list! Best one ever!

(Nice come back, Smithers. Nice and timely. Careful, or we're going to go on your board and make fun of your basketball coach: Nolan Richardson.)