Pat forde sums up ACC/pac moves

[NickSMU17]

Conference chaos -- your questions answered
In an attempt to make sense of the latest in realignment lunacy, The Dash is here to answer questions. Fire away.

"So, Pittsburgh (27) and Syracuse (28) are going to the ACC. Does that actually help the league as a football entity?"

"Hate to answer a question with a question, but here are two of them: Which school has been the biggest underachiever in the Big East since it reconstituted itself in 2005? That would be Syracuse. The Orange are 24-52 in that time. And which school has fired or forced out its last six head coaches? That would be Pittsburgh. And that number doesn't count Mike Haywood, who was hired and then dropped two weeks later last winter after being charged with domestic violence. So yeah, Virginia Tech and Florida State are quaking with fear."

"And now there's talk about Connecticut (29) to the ACC. What do the Huskies bring to the table?

"After watching Randy Edsall win the Big East and then flee for mediocre Maryland, UConn brilliantly positioned itself for the future by hiring a 62-year-old who hadn't been a college coach since 2004 -- when he was fired by none other than Syracuse."

[+] Enlarge
AP Photo/Jessica Hill
Paul Pasqualoni and UConn are hoping to follow Syracuse and Pitt to greener pastures in the ACC.
"Right, Paul Pasqualoni. Thought he looked vaguely familiar. How's that working out so far?"

"The Huskies have lost to Vanderbilt and Iowa State, annually among the worst teams in the SEC and Big 12, respectively. But, hey, they did beat Fordham!"

"Not good. Well, at least those Big East exports will bring decent fan bases to the table, right?"

"Syracuse made its first bowl game since 2004 last year and still didn't come close to selling out the 49,262-seat Carrier Dome once. Pitt usually does pretty well at the turnstiles but after two home games with a new coach and a viewer-friendly offense -- two things normally guaranteed to sell tickets -- the Panthers are averaging more than 20,000 empty seats in Heinz Field. And UConn fans will turn out if there isn't a women's basketball game at the same time. Or if they don't have to leave the state. Check the number of unsold UConn seats for last year's Fiesta Bowl for details."

"Well, isn't that a problem? Wouldn't it be embarrassing if those teams make the ACC championship game and don't bring any fans?"

"You mean like Boston College (30) in 2007 and '08? Guess the ACC is already accustomed to zero road support from its northeastern imports. Getting half-hearted football fans to travel to Charlotte or other places in the South hasn't been easy."

"What about the Big East schools that have actually been good in recent years? West Virginia (31) has won at least nine games six straight years, Cincinnati (32) won 33 games from 2007-09, Louisville (33) won a BCS bowl five years ago. Why doesn't the ACC want them?"

"Academics."

"Academics?"

"Academics. At least that's what they say. Commissioners and school presidents like talking about that stuff while they're busy behind the scenes grasping for bigger TV contracts."

"How come academics matter on the East Coast but not on the West Coast? Because I see that the Pac-12 is thinking about adding Texas Tech (34) and Oklahoma State (35). What do they have in common academically with Stanford, Cal, USC and UCLA?"

[+] Enlarge
AP Photo/Charles Krupa
Dashette Alexa Flutie knows conference expansion isn't a good idea.
"Well, nothing, when you consider that U.S. News & World Report's 2012 college rankings puts those four schools among the top 25 national universities, while Oklahoma State is No. 132 and Texas Tech No. 160. But the Red Raiders and Cowboys do keep good football company in Texas and Oklahoma. They'd be the annoying little brothers who have to go wherever their big brothers go."

"So is adding them really a good idea?"

"None of the moves being made this fall are really a good idea. They're all greedy ideas. Depeche Mode's 1980s song 'Everything Counts' seems rather apropos:

"The grabbing hands
Grab all they can
All for themselves
After all
It's a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts."

"Now you're depressing me."

"Sorry. Have a Dashette. Let Pats cheerleader (and daughter of Boston College legend Doug Flutie) Alexa Flutie (36) take your mind off this mess for a while."