What if the Fox News Channel Televised SMU Football...Hmmmm

[Big10Ponyfan]

This could work. FNC comes to our campus a lot -- evidence by Hannity & Colmes on the Hilltop a couple of weeks ago -- and uses several of our professors for news stories. So in the fall, let's just keep them here for home football games.

Notre Dame uses NBC. Besides, all-day all-news channels are usually pretty soft on ratings on Saturdays and FNC already devours MSNBC and CNN.

Best of all, we're accused of being a conservative school and they are accused of being a conservative...err...fair and balanced network..

Here's what the format could be for a 6 p.m. kickoff at Ford Stadium:

3-4 p.m -- Tailgate party show with Martha McCallum. We don't care who she talks to. We just want to see her.
4-5 p.m. -- Hannity & Colmes. A debate about the future of the SMU football program. Colmes takes the role of those who believe the program is doomed and uses clips from debacles at Hawaii to support his argument. Hannity takes the role of the program is close and uses clips of UAB, TCU and the Ford Stadium opener against Kansas to support his argument. Bill Clements will be Hannity's special guest (bad choice).
Then the debate will turn to the BCS. Of course, Hannity will support the playoff system using the hard line one-winner approach. Colmes will support the current BCS system and bowl system because of the socialism everybody-wins-or-goes-to-a-bowl-game philosophy. Holmes guest will be the Rev. Al Sharpton.
5-6 p.m. -- Pre-game show/scoreboard show with Shepherd Smith and Martha McCallum. Shepherd will give over-the-top inflection of highlights of other college games. McCallum will do an interview with new AD Steve Orsini. Orsini will stumble over his answers because he's, well, standing next to McCallum.
6 p.m. -- Kickoff. Play-by-play is Brit Hume, who will play it down the middle with a dry approach. Analyst will be former TCU QB Max Knacke. Hey, NBC uses a QB from Notre Dame's chief rival as its analyst in former USC signal caller Pat Haden. FOX figures it can do the same.
There will be two sideline reporters. Bill O'Reilly will be on the opposing team's sideline. On the SMU sideline...well, it's Martha McCallum. Great use of her so far.

At the half, O'Reilly will accost the opposing coach with that pen in his hand and put his team's performance in his "Most Ridiculous Item" segment. O'Reilly and the coach argue. As the coach walks away, O'Reilly screams, "Hey buddy, the spin stops here.''
Meanwhile, McCallum will talk to Phil Bennett. And for some reason, Bennett can't seem put to sentences together either.

Halftime show will be the recently added, "McLaughlin Group." But it only lasts for one game. Jack Germond of the Baltimore Sun keeps falling asleep. Eleanor Clift is upset that a "conservative school'' is winning the game. At least, FOX was smart to hire Dana Carvey as its John McLaughlin.

Postgame show will begin with interviews with SMU players and Bennett. Again, because it's McCallum, no can answer question definitively. But because FNC wants a fair & balanced report, Greta Van Something will go on the record with the opposing team.

The studio show is hosted by Neil Cavuto. He'll report on the gate receipts and how much $ impact it has made with the program.

The final wrapup will be delivered by Geraldo Rivera with thought provoking commentary. And he will walk around depths of Ford Stadium looking for Doak Walker's Heisman Trophy. He'll open a locked door claiming this is the one.

With great anticipation, he turns on a light only to hear a toilet flushing. It's the men's room. Rivera delivers a failed smile.

As the cameras back away, they pan on who else...Martha McCallum. Oh, and they show the score of the game. Nearly forgot.

Next week, they will broadcast in the morning with E.D. Hill, the Judge and Steve Doocy.

Again, I had some time on my hands. Enjoy. We've all had a rough day.

[KnuckleStang]

I'm assuming you mean Martha McCallum? She is indeed very attractive.

[Big10Ponyfan]

Is it McCallum? OK. I'll correct that.

[Kappas Are Yummy]

Seems to me like you put an awful lot of work into a pretty horrible idea.

I also don't think this thread will last long. Making fun of FNC, and by extension its GOP cohorts, is way too easy.

[couch 'em]

Bush Library.

[Pony in Dawg Land]

it'd be hard to see the game with all the american flags flying around the border.

[OC Mustang]

Yeah, but McCallum is HOT!

[alamocitystang]

If Fox News Channel televised the game then it would be less of a joke for about 3 and 1/2 hours.

[dcpony]

This could work. FNC comes to our campus a lot -- evidence by Hannity & Colmes on the Hilltop a couple of weeks ago -- and uses several of our professors for news stories. So in the fall, let's just keep them here for home football games.

Notre Dame uses NBC. Besides, all-day all-news channels are usually pretty soft on ratings on Saturdays and FNC already devours MSNBC and CNN.

Best of all, we're accused of being a conservative school and they are accused of being a conservative...err...fair and balanced network..

Here's what the format could be for a 6 p.m. kickoff at Ford Stadium:

3-4 p.m -- Tailgate party show with Martha McCallum. We don't care who she talks to. We just want to see her.
4-5 p.m. -- Hannity & Colmes. A debate about the future of the SMU football program. Colmes takes the role of those who believe the program is doomed and uses clips from debacles at Hawaii to support his argument. Hannity takes the role of the program is close and uses clips of UAB, TCU and the Ford Stadium opener against Kansas to support his argument. Bill Clements will be Hannity's special guest (bad choice).
Then the debate will turn to the BCS. Of course, Hannity will support the playoff system using the hard line one-winner approach. Colmes will support the current BCS system and bowl system because of the socialism everybody-wins-or-goes-to-a-bowl-game philosophy. Holmes guest will be the Rev. Al Sharpton.
5-6 p.m. -- Pre-game show/scoreboard show with Shepherd Smith and Martha McCallum. Shepherd will give over-the-top inflection of highlights of other college games. McCallum will do an interview with new AD Steve Orsini. Orsini will stumble over his answers because he's, well, standing next to McCallum.
6 p.m. -- Kickoff. Play-by-play is Brit Hume, who will play it down the middle with a dry approach. Analyst will be former TCU QB Max Knacke. Hey, NBC uses a QB from Notre Dame's chief rival as its analyst in former USC signal caller Pat Haden. FOX figures it can do the same.
There will be two sideline reporters. Bill O'Reilly will be on the opposing team's sideline. On the SMU sideline...well, it's Martha McCallum. Great use of her so far.

At the half, O'Reilly will accost the opposing coach with that pen in his hand and put his team's performance in his "Most Ridiculous Item" segment. O'Reilly and the coach argue. As the coach walks away, O'Reilly screams, "Hey buddy, the spin stops here.''
Meanwhile, McCallum will talk to Phil Bennett. And for some reason, Bennett can't seem put to sentences together either.

Halftime show will be the recently added, "McLaughlin Group." But it only lasts for one game. Jack Germond of the Baltimore Sun keeps falling asleep. Eleanor Clift is upset that a "conservative school'' is winning the game. At least, FOX was smart to hire Dana Carvey as its John McLaughlin.

Postgame show will begin with interviews with SMU players and Bennett. Again, because it's McCallum, no can answer question definitively. But because FNC wants a fair & balanced report, Greta Van Something will go on the record with the opposing team.

The studio show is hosted by Neil Cavuto. He'll report on the gate receipts and how much $ impact it has made with the program.

The final wrapup will be delivered by Geraldo Rivera with thought provoking commentary. And he will walk around depths of Ford Stadium looking for Doak Walker's Heisman Trophy. He'll open a locked door claiming this is the one.

With great anticipation, he turns on a light only to hear a toilet flushing. It's the men's room. Rivera delivers a failed smile.

As the cameras back away, they pan on who else...Martha McCallum. Oh, and they show the score of the game. Nearly forgot.

Next week, they will broadcast in the morning with E.D. Hill, the Judge and Steve Doocy.

Again, I had some time on my hands. Enjoy. We've all had a rough day.

That's pretty funny. SMU officially affiliating with FOX News is the worst idea ever. SMU should just try and get all its games on TV in the Metroplex.

[EastStang]

I know this is a joke. If Fox wanted to improve viewship in Fx by having sports programming, they could turn to SMU football. Nip/Tuck after tonights SMU game. Sounds like a perfect segue to me.

[EastStang]

I know this is a joke. If Fox wanted to improve viewship in Fx by having sports programming, they could turn to SMU football. Nip/Tuck after tonights SMU game. Sounds like a perfect segue to me.