Football Quiz

[CalallenStang]

THOUGHT ALL WOULD GET A "KICK" WITH THIS, ENJOY

Graded test papers will be returned with your paycheck stub from Big Red
Auto Sales in Norman. What, you don't work there? No problem.....



1. If the Ohio State tailback gets $42,000 from a Buckeye booster but the
Escalade he wants is $57,000, he should:
a) Buy a different SUV
b) Take a job he doesn't have to show up for from another booster to cover
the difference
c) Ask Maurice Clarett to borrow one for him
d) Transfer to an SEC school with more generous boosters

2. Texas A&M scores 46 points against Miami in a bowl game. How many staff
members will Larry Coker fire the next week?

3. If Joe Paterno's team loses a close game, how long before his players
will be allowed to talk to the media again?

Bonus: How long will Penn State fans complain on their message boards?

4. Which of these numbers in the following group is the largest?
a) 10 x 14 x 5
b) 632
c) 1,000 - 275 + 30
d) Charlie Weis' cholesterol level

5. A linebacker is 21. The underage girl he sleeps with is 16. At
Tennessee, how many plays against a non-conference team would he have to
miss as punishment?

6. If ESPN's Gameday crew were to go to Arkansas to cover a game, how much
netting would be needed to protect Kirk, Lee and Chris Fowler from objects
thrown by Razorback fans?
a) none
b) 200 feet
c) all that Home Depot sells in a three city area
d) Trick question: Gameday would never go to Arkansas

7. Marcus Vick runs a 4.3 and Maurice Clarett runs a 4.48 but the 9mm Glock
hidden in Vick's waistband is heavier. Who has a better chance of
out-running the cops and evading arrest?

8. If the world's largest sequoia tree is almost 3,000 years old and the
earth's crust is 5 billion years old, how old is Bobby Bowden if he started
coaching before either?

9. If Michigan has a 12 point lead with under 9 minutes left in the game,
how much time will be left on the clock when the opposing team scores the
winning touchdown?
a) 3 minutes
b) 1 minute
c) 35 seconds
d) none, last play of the game and immediately named ESPN Instant Classic

10. Your team's stadium holds 96,000 fans but regularly only sells 32,000
tickets to its home games. How long will it take the team bus to drive back
to Westwood?

11. Which would be more unbearable: Spending a hot day in the stall of
Ralphie, the Colorado Buff mascot, or driving across Kansas in a
vinyl-seated, non-air conditioned '73 Nova with Jayhawks coach Mark Mangino.
Explain.

12. If you watch two hours of ESPN pre-game, four hours of post-game and six
versions of SportsCenter during which Beano Cook appears 15% of each
broadcast, how many times will you want to gouge your eyes out with a tongue
depressor?

13. Floyd of Rosedale is:
a) Barney Fife's neighbor from the old ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW
b) The current WWF champion
c) A college football trophy as coveted as winning a giant stuffed animal
at the state fair

14. If a Onepeat.com LSU fan wastes 60% of each day stewing over the shared
title with USC in 2003, how many hours will he have left each week to not
date women?

15. The ninth month of the year is:
a) June
b) January
c) November
d) The time when the Kappa Kappa Gamma girls arrive back on campus to
start doing your homework again

EXTRA CREDIT: If Lou Holtz is brought in to rebuild your program, how many
years of NCAA probation will your school receive when he leaves?

[smu diamond m]

Absolutely friggin' hilarious.

[Sam I Am]

I'm a second team QB for Tech. Who takes this exam for me?

[Cadillac]

10. Your team's stadium holds 96,000 fans but regularly only sells 32,000
tickets to its home games. How long will it take the team bus to drive back
to Westwood?

ROFL, ouch, that'll leave a mark.

-CoS

[SMUtrojanFAN]

10. Your team's stadium holds 96,000 fans but regularly only sells 32,000
tickets to its home games. How long will it take the team bus to drive back
to Westwood?


It's funny cause it's true!

[giacfsp]

Very nice!