Top 10: SMU at the Democratic Convention

[Letterman]

The Democratic National Convention is wrapping up at the Fleet Center in Boston, and oddly enough, SMU was referenced in several conversations.

So ....

From the home office, High on the Hilltop, the Top 10 SMU references overheard at the Democratic National Convention:

10. John Kerry: "We will stimulate SMU's athletic economy by upsetting Texas Tech and selling out Ford Stadium for the rest of the year."

9. John Edwards: "Because of our standing as the leaders of the free world, we will refer to the United Nations from here on out as 'Conference USA'."

8. Teresa Heinz-Kerry: "Shove it .... or I'll get Coach Vinklarek to show you how."

7. Jesse Jackson: "My son played high school football against some guy in Dallas who calls himself 'Letterman,' and let me tell you, that guy whipped up on my son." (Actually, this is true - except for the whipping up part. I was never on the field at the same time as he was, and Jesse, Jr. scored six touchdowns. It wasn't pretty. That dude was a hell of a player, and needless to say, they killed us.)

6. "When I am elected, the first position I'll fill is the Secretary of Defense: Jim Gush."

5. "Of course our environmental plan is better than the Republican plan. They plan to blanket the entire country in the leftover turf from Ownby Stadium."

4. John Kerry: "Healthcare will be more readily available when Cash Birdwell is named Surgeon General."

3. "Someone make sure the National Guard is trained to fight fires; football season's about to open again at Ford Stadium."

2. "Is it just me, or does Sharpton's hair look like the fountain in front of Dallas Hall?"

And the #1 SMU reference overheard at the Democratic National Convention:

1. John Kerry: "Who is this 'Peruna' that people keep saying I look like?"

[Ponymon]

I LIKE IT!!! I hadn't thought about Peruna, but it fits!

[NavyCrimson]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ponyte]

With Cash's humor, people will consider Jocelyn Elders' idea to teach kids to properly beat off to be mild. But Cash would still be the best Surgeon General we ever had.

[Hal]

That is great. Absolutely great.

I hear Coach V is quite adept at teaching people to "shove"!

Nice job, Letterman - pressure's on when the Republicans hit New York in a few weeks!

[The Q]

That's really funny - Letterman, you're a valued contributor to this site. One thing I like about the list is that you steered clear of some of the more heavily-debated issues that could set off a political debate on this board - and this board is not the place for that.

Not sure what you drink to come up with these things, but chug away - they're really good.

[Camel]

Keep up the comedy, Letterman! Your lists are a pleasure to read.

[Lefty]

Keep up the comedy, Letterman! Your lists are a pleasure to read.

Ditto!

[Water Pony]

Number 11:

Laura Welch ( '68 ) Bush won't tell anyone to shove it, but you better remember to return the Democratic Platform to the Fondren Library for historical purposes after the election.

Number 12:

Let's retire George W. now, so that SMU can begin the formal campaign to get his library next to the campus on North Central.

[MustangFan]

Number 11:

Laura Welch ( '68 ) Bush won't tell anyone to shove it, but you better remember to return the Democratic Platform to the Fondren Library for historical purposes after the election.

Number 12:

Let's retire George W. now, so that SMU can begin the formal campaign to get his library next to the campus on North Central.

Number 13:

Be sure to reference the handy guide for pronouncing words like "nuke-u-lar," and to bring your own crayons to color in the books.

[MrMustang1965]

Funny stuff! Love it! Especially #3! Can't wait to see what you come up with for the GOP Convention!

[Big Easy Pony]

Hey Letterman, it sounds like you weren't much of a player. Or maybe it was your team that was no good.

Stick to the Top 10 lists - they're great. (And it might not be the funniest line on there, but I would like nothing better than to see #10 come true!)

[Roach]

Good stuff, Letterman