It has to be done...Aggie jokes...

[RednBlue11]

How to Cook an Aggie

Ingredients:

One large or two small Aggies.
Ketchup.
2 large cloves garlic.
Crisco or other solid vegetable shortening.(Lard may be substituted).
1 keg cheap beer.
1 lb. pinto beans.
2 cups finely chopped habanero peppers

Directions:

First, catch an Aggie. This is easily done by putting an
Aggie sticker on your car and then pretending you have broken down.
Remove the tail and horns. Carefully separate the large ego and
reserve for sauce. Remove any pencils, calculators, slide rules, or
large belt buckles and discard. Clean the Aggie as you would
armadillo, but leave the horny shell. If you have an older Aggie,
(test this by asking if they remember the last Aggie football team not
on probation), you may wish to tenderize by pounding the Aggie on a
rock with a flat heavy object.

Next, pour 1/2 of the keg of beer into a bathtub and soak the
Aggie in the beer for at least 12 hours. (If your Aggie belonged to a
fraternity you may skip this step.) When the Aggie is sufficiently
soaked, remove any clothes the Aggie may be wearing and rub it all
over with the garlic. Then cover the Aggie with Crisco, using a slow
circular motion, and taking care to cover every inch of the Aggie's
body with the shortening. If it looks like fun, you may also cover
your own body with Crisco. Be sure to remove your clothes first, if
you do. Now post the following topics to TexasAgs.com:

Penn State Was Better Than Nebraska
PAC10: The Best Conference
UC Davis: The Real A&M
Texas: Dynasty Of The Decade

Post at least 3 copies to ensure adequate flames for cooking your
Aggie. When the flames have died down to a medium inferno, place your
Aggie on top of your terminal until it's well tanned and the hair
turns bleached blond. Make a sauce by combining the previously
reserved ego, the peppers, and ketchup to taste using cat(1) (see
note). Redirect the output to your blender and puree' until smooth.
Slice the Aggie as you would any turkey, and serve accompanied by the
pinto beans and the remaining beer.

Note: use this command to make the sauce.

cat ego peppers ketchup | blender puree

[ponylb]

An Aggie Corp member graduated and couldn’t get a commission in the US Army. In fact, he couldn’t find a commission in any respectable branch of service. Desperate, he joined the French Foreign Legion. His first assignment was as commander of a French outpost deep in the Sahara desert. Upon his arrival to his new command, the utter disarray of the post struck him. The men were filthy and their clothes were soiled and in need of repair. The buildings were in various states disrepair and worse, a foul, ill-tempered camel was tether to a post in the middle of the parade grounds. The Aggie, trained in strict military comportment, immediately summoned the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major entered the Aggies command office and with a very formal salute as he came to rigid attention said, “Sir, reporting as ordered.”
“Sergeant Major, my first orders are that the men bath and shave, that they wash and repair their uniforms, that the buildings immediately undergo repairs and the grounds are policed to the highest military standards. And last, get that ugly raunchy camel off this post.”
The Sergeant Major saluted cried, “Yes, Sir.” And in a formal military manor exited the office.

Upon his return in about an hour, once again as formal as can be executed, the Sergeant Major came to rigid attention, saluted and said, “Sir, the men will bath, shave, wash and repair their uniforms, immediately repair the buildings and police the grounds. But Sir, they request that they be allowed to keep the camel.”

“Why on earth would the men want to keep that awful beast?” asked the Aggie.

“Sir, in this environment, with so little around, the men use the camel to relieve their sexual tensions.” answered the Sergeant Major.

The Aggie pondered this and realized that he did have to maintain morale in this horrid place.

“OK, Sergeant Major, the camel can stay. But get it out of my site and put it behind the barracks.’

“Sir, yes Sir” replied the Sergeant Major with a smart salute and crisp about face.

About six months went by and the post was as military as any post in the world. Men were always clean with spotless uniforms. The buildings appeared as new and the grounds were immaculate. The Aggie was concerned because at least one man headed behind the barracks most every night. But morale was wonderful. And the Aggie was getting pretty doggone horny.

He called the Sergeant Major in and as was now the routine, the very formal and immaculate Sergeant Major appeared with a crisp salute and, “Sir!”

“Sergeant Major” began the Aggie, “You think you could set me up with that camel for tonight?”

“Sir, yes Sir!” said the Sergeant Major as expressionless as a statue.

That evening, the Aggie ,rather self-consciously, creped around behind the barracks to find the Sergeant Major holding the camel by its tether. The Sergeant Major at formal attention. The Aggie looked both ways, winked at the Sergeant Major, dropped his pants mounded the camel and relieved his tensions in a most vigorous way. He then fell to his back upon the ground.

Exhausted and laying on his back the Aggie, now somewhat proud, breathlessly looked at the Sergeant Major and said, “Well Sergeant Major, what do you think of that!”

The Sergeant Major, again without expression said, “Sir that was most impressive. But most of the time, the men just ride him into town.”

[ponyte]

Bump

[peruna81]

ttt

[ponyte]

Did you hear the one about the time the Aggies thought the SEC wanted them?

Honestly, don't you know those SEC presidents were busting a gut laughing that A$M bought the SEC invite two years running.

[peruna81]

An Aggie and his wife decided that after 11 children, it was time to get out of the family making business. The expense of buying a bigger bed was more than the cost of the surgery, so the Ag told his wife he would head to the doctor the next day...

When the Aggie arrived at the vetinarian's office and explained the dilemna, the vet shared that he had a fool-proof way of avoiding surgery (and the cost) with the exact results intended.

"What you have to do is go the fireworks store, and buy an M-80. Then you cut the top of a beer can off, drop it in the can, light the fuse, hold the can to your ear and count to ten" said the vet.

The Aggie thought about it for a minute, then replied "Doc, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but that doesn't sound like it will work for what I need it to do".

"Trust me," said the vet, "it never fails".

So the Aggie went to the fireworks stand and bought the M-80, took the empty beer can and cut the top off. He dropped the bomblet in the can, and carefully lit the fuse, and held the can next to his right ear with his right hand...

"One, two, three, four, five..." carefully placing the can between his legs, he looked to his other hand...

"six, seven, eight..."

[mrydel]

Final meeting of the judges will be on Friday the 19th. If anyone else has a joke to submit do it before then. If it is not good enough to win we will turn it over to the WDNWTJA (we did not want that joke anyway) committee, subcommitte of the WDNWHA committee, not to be confused with the other subcommittee, WDNWITCA (we did not want in that conference anyway) committee.

[mrydel]

Judging is taking place right now.

[RednBlue11]

results?

[mrydel]

Very heated discussion over Whole Hog BBQ. Ponyte has actually put together a spread sheet with scoring on 3 or 4 different categories as he outlined earlier in this thread. However, my scoring And selections and his did not agree. He is going to go back and reconsider some of my selections, retotal the results, and we anticipate an answer on Monday.

[jtstang]

Late entry:

Aggie walks up to a bus stop and brings a huge stink with him. Guy at the bus stop asks the Aggie "Did you poop yourself?"

Aggie says, "Sure did."

Guy asks, "why don't you go home and change yourself?"

Aggie: "Cuz I'm not done yet."

[peruna81]

then there was the Aggie that was out hunting in the woods. He happened upon a beautiful young woman lying in the grass, gazing at him suggestively...

"Are you game?" he asked.

"Yes" she purred...

so he shot her.

[ponyte]

Two Aggie Corp members were walking across campus and noticed Reveille licking his testicles.

One Aggie Corp member said to the other, "I sure wish I could do that."

The other answered, "Well, if you are nice and pet him, maybe he'll let you."

[peruna81]

Two Aggie Corp members were walking across campus and noticed Reveille licking his testicles.

One Aggie Corp member said to the other, "I sure wish I could do that."

or, as per Lewis Grizzard:

"that dog 'ud bite youuuuu"

[EastStang]

So many jokes, so little time?
Aggie wants to call home to talk to his Momma. Longhorn decides to see how much Aggie wants to call his Mom, so he says, "I gotta a cellphone, but ya gotta do something first", and Longhorn pulls out his bevo. Aggie grabs it and shouts "momma can you hear me"?