Panic, Panic, OMG Panic!

[ponyte]

TCU scares the Hades out of me!

Once again we face total humiliation. More so now than ever before. Thus, even though its mid week, curl up into the fetal position and just let the bladder flow free

How can our players hope to compete when TCU is so vastly superior? Its physics. The total number of stars of the players divided by the number of starters’ times the square root of the average ACT score multiplied by the number of hot chicks in the dance squad equals certain defeat for us. We just don't have enough hot chicks in the dance squad to compete!

TCU's coach has sworn on his mother's grave to never help us ever again. And he just might take his football home with him Saturday unless we are really nice to him. Unfortunately, the athlete budget can't afford the feast he needs to turn his frown upside down.

Our coach is so disinterested in this year’s team that he doesn’t even wear that lei thing anymore.

Nobody expects us to win which is why we were given the 11 AM TV slot even though we are playing the vaulted 1-2 Purple Toads (which includes a major smack down of Southeastern Louisiana State in Tangipahoa Parish ) .

CJK5TCUH! Enough said on that.

We only beat the Road killed Frogs (explains why they’re purple) when their ranked!

Patterson will not be distracted by his constantly falling off pants because he is wearing suspenders this weekend

Instead of picking his fingernails, our orthopeadic surgeon will pick his nose on national TV while standing next to the leiless guy.

Our guys will not be up for this game because they will be stuck in 2013 uniforms instead of wearing winners’ uniforms form 1983.

Let the paralyzing terror, be thankful we will have Saturday afternoon to uncurl and clean up, and let the panic begin!

[Mustangsabu]

And our coach won't be awake yet since it's barely dawn in Hawaii and he doesn't care enough about the mustangs to get out of bed early.

[peruna11]

I heard Patterson even got velcro shoes for this game!!

[JoeKidd]

I have heard they have at least 7 Running Backs that are completely impervious to being tackled and we all know we are playing in the noisiest most intense stadium ever constructed since the time of the Romans and so we will have least 31 false starts.

[ghost]

for some reason we always seem to keep this game close. I sometimes wonder if Patterson keeps it close so we don't back out of this supposed rivalry game which really isn't. Rarely have both of these teams been good at the same time. when was the last time they played each other with both ranked in the top 25?

[PK]

for some reason we always seem to keep this game close. I sometimes wonder if Patterson keeps it close so we don't back out of this supposed rivalry game which really isn't. Rarely have both of these teams been good at the same time. when was the last time they played each other with both ranked in the top 25?

If Patterson had his way, there probably would be no more games with TCU.

[Bergermeister]

What is the over/under on the Fatterson handkerchief swipe and pants tug?

[birddogger]

Thank goodness I wasn't wearing my big-boy underwear when I read your post, ponyte. But I threw up in my mouth a little. I hope our guys have the courage to dress out. It would be a symbolic victory if they can just take the field.

Please keep Peruna away from that nasty frog, though. It looks dangerous and gets bloody eyes.

[Tx_Mustang10]

There's only one solution: we need more hot chicks on our dance and cheerleading squad!
Speaking of which, what's the status of the school of education & human development? Have they started taking classes yet? If I could change two things about my SMU experience, our football team'd have been good, and there would have been an education school on campus. Lucky SOBs

[LHS81]

What is the over/under on the Fatterson handkerchief swipe and pants tug?

I'm thinking +/-15

[stc9]

What is the over/under on the Fatterson handkerchief swipe and pants tug?

I'm thinking +/-15

I think you are way underselling this. I'll take the over and make the prediction that I cover this this by 8:00 minutes to go in the 2nd qtr.

[ponyte]

Oh no! It only gets worse! Now Patterson is on a crusade to wipe out some disease or something. How can our guys survive with the forces of the CDC, World Health Organization and The Patterson Syphilis Awareness foundation aligned against us?

[Junior]

The only thing Patterson is on a mission to wipe out is cheeseburgers.