If you like your PANIC, you can keep it

[feelthehorsepower]

They are starting a redshirt Freshman QB--PANIC!

We lose everytime we face freshman quarterbacks! PANIC! FEAR THE DOGGY!

[birddogger]

I have just awakened from a 13-day bender fueled by valium and vodka, taken hours before the Cincy game. Now I learn that we are wearing red helmets. When is the last time we won wearing red helmets? Years! This is a bad sign.

So I tried to sign up to get a new improved, more comprehensive red helmet, but the website wouldn't let me.

And then I heard that if we like our old helmets we could keep our old helmets, but I'm confused. And I don't know whether to choose the white, red or blue jersey. This is all too much!

I admit that I have panic plenty to subsidize some of the blase, ignorant and indifferent alumni, but not all of them. This won't work until we have more sunshiner bandwagon-jumpers to help out and increase the critical mass of panickers. Why don't they sign up? The numbers aren't there. This is going to be a giant cluster...

I'm going back into my dark room and hide.