ECU Pirates Week: Pirate Joke Thread

MustangStealth · Post by **MustangStealth** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:37 pm

A pirate and Mr. Beard walk into the Bush Library....

SmartAsymptote · Post by **SmartAsymptote** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:39 pm

Question: What did Captain Hook die from?
Answer: Jock Itch.

SmartAsymptote · Post by **SmartAsymptote** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:41 pm

this relates to pirates....

A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...

He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.

She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.

Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.

Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.

Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!

He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...

As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!

SmartAsymptote · Post by **SmartAsymptote** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:42 pm

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted, ''Get me my brown pants.''

LonghornFan68 · Post by **LonghornFan68** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:43 pm

What's the pirate's wife's name?

Peggy.

ThadFilms · Post by **ThadFilms** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:51 pm

what's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?
ARRRRRRgyle!

DiamondM75 · Post by **DiamondM75** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:53 pm

What is a priate's favorite fast food restaurant?

Arrrrrrrrrby's.

DiamondM75 · Post by **DiamondM75** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:55 pm

How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook?

An arm and a leg!

smu diamond m · Post by **smu diamond m** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:55 pm

What's a pirate's favorite place to go camping?

ARRRRRRRRRGentina.

DiamondM75 · Post by **DiamondM75** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:56 pm

What do you call a quadrapalegic pirate?

The backup anchor.

smu diamond m · Post by **smu diamond m** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:56 pm

When a pirate goes camping, what does he take with him?

an ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRV

smu diamond m · Post by **smu diamond m** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:59 pm

Whats a pirates favorite basketball position?

Point guAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRd.

BrianTinBigD · Post by **BrianTinBigD** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:32 pm

Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...

So they buried her.

EastStang · Post by **EastStang** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:21 pm

Good efforts guys keep it up. Yes, there are some groaners here, but there have been some that actually made me laugh.

How many pirates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they don't need to see with only one eye they have no depth perception anyway!!

J.T.supporta · Post by **J.T.supporta** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:25 pm

It's too bad this game is not played on "NATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY"

which was last month I think.