The SMU football team had this weekend off, and in addition to their responsibilities in the classroom and on the practice field, the Mustangs found time for a few other activities during the extra week. So .... From the home office, High on the Hilltop, the Top 10 ways the Mustangs spent their bye week:
10. Helping the TCU Horned Frogs with their holiday plans that thankfully won't be cluttered by a trip to a BCS bowl
9. Teaching a hitting clinic for the Houston Astros
8. Looking for a loophole in their biology textbooks to explain how Tom Cruise could have gotten Katie Holmes gotten pregnant
7. Looking for anyone who actually cares about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
6. Looking for the Fountain of Youth that Teddy Bruschi has been drinking from
5. Canceling their reservations for Fisher DeBerry's cultural sensitivity seminar
4. Hunting down the marketing geniuses who decided it would be a good idea for Virginia Tech, Miami and Florida to unveil nauseating alternative uniforms and beating some sense into them
3. Teaching a martial arts seminar to the Dallas Cowboys' assistant coaches to help them fight off Bill Parcells on the sideline
2. Ignoring Fred Smoot's ideas about how to spend time off
And the #1 way the Mustangs spent their bye week:
1. Prying the Rice Owls' game plan out of Lewis Libby
No kidding. Has it really been 20 years since our last bowl game?? I mean kids who were born on that day are now sophomores and juniors in college??!! Guys like me who were strapping twenty-somethings, are now in their forties??!!! Man, the state of our program really SUCKS!!!
You can't even let Letterman's top 10 lists stand on their own without turning them into something negative? Do you blame Kenneth Pye for the sun going down every night, too?
Take a deep breath, and maybe try decaf (or whiskey). Enjoy life, at least a little.
