Top 10: SMU offseason storylines

[Letterman]

Someone requested a Top 10 list for SMU-related storylines, so I figured I needed to take a stab at it. So without further ado:

From the home office, High on the Hilltop, the Top 10 offseason SMU football stories:

10. Head carpenter in Ford Stadium expansion project: Sammy Sosa

9. Fearful of outcome in season opener, Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach suspends himself for a game, asks that loss to SMU not be reflected on his career record

8. All student-athletes to enroll in team chemistry-building forum, directed by Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

7. Hawaii QB Timmy Chang kicked off team. Coach June Jones cites Chang's summer spent trying to sneak in as extra during surfing scenes in "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle"

6. PonyFans.com profiles new SMU compliance director: Rick Neuheisel

5. Sporting new-look uniforms, Mustangs to run on to the field before games to the strains of ZZTop's "Sharp-dressed man" (members of Mustang Band - a.k.a. "the best-dressed band in the land" reportedly jealous)

4. Newest addition to SMU scouting staff: Martha Stewart

3. WAC commissioner Karl Benson dismisses questions about skin protection, claiming he has no reason to believe the sun will rise tomorrow

2. Players to go through seminars on making good career decisions. Keynote speakers: Larry Eustachy and Mike Price

And the #1 offseason SMU football storyline:

1. Head coach Phil Bennett to replace natural mustache with leftover strip of FieldTurf being installed at Ford Stadium, citing increased durability and reduced maintenance

[FloridaMustang]

The list is GREAT! #3 is my favorite...

[Pony Up]

My "favorites" votes: #10, #9 (SMU's going to win the opener!), #3 and #1.

Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious!

[Corso]

Great stuff!

[Dement-ed]

So you're saying Martha Stewart could get some inside information for the coaches, huh?

Nice job. Keep 'em coming.

[Rosebud]

Maybe Sammy Sosa should be the new equipment manager, too!

[FloridaMustang]

WHAT?! No one can replace Ed

[DallasDiehard]

Sweet list, Letternan.

[PonyTales]

I guess Mike Leach has heard about Bartel, Cunningham, Ieremia-Stansbury, Rushbrook and the rest!

Excellent list.